Christmas 2015

I wish I had more discipline when it came to updating weekly, but I believe this time I have a valid excuse. Between Christmas and working, I've simply been too busy, too tired, or simply too full to focus on writing. Anyway, here I am, still on a post Christmas come-down and starting to develop what promises to be an unpleasant cold.

I was busy busy on the run-up to Christmas, working every day and putting in a couple of extra hours on Christmas Eve to help out a bit. Honestly, it came so quickly this year because of working so much, and I appreciated that. I usually feel like Christmas takes forever to come around, but before I knew it I was coming home at 6pm on Christmas Eve, ready for the festivities! I did some late-evening baking of Lebkuchen as a gift for my Mum and stepmum. I had a glass of Prosecco while I baked, courtesy of Ryan, who had been given some from work.

Christmas Day was brilliant. We were up at around 10, and had our usual fried breakfast. I had some bacon, toast and beans - doesn't sound like much, but I was saving my stomach for the grand feast that afternoon. Mum, Martin, Ryan and I opened presents. I had quite a good haul, including a couple of nice perfumes ('Fame' by Lady Gaga, and 'Midnight Fantasy' by Britney Spears). After present opening, it was a quick march getting the presents upstairs, getting dressed and tidying the living room before people started arriving. I decided spikes and flowers were my look for the day:

Liam, Ashleigh and Ethan arrived soon enough. I was ecstatic, having not seen the three of them for ages. Ethan was soon passed around like the world's most adorable parcel as everyone wanted to cuddle with him. He was lovely as usual, smiley and looking around at everything. He was dressed in his little elf suit. Nan also turned up, and had her cuddle with Ethan before getting onto the gin and tonics. I was drinking my Kraken rum at this point, and the red wine was soon brought out for dinner.

Christmas dinner, courtesy of Mum and Martin, was delicious. I ate so much of it, and I had a big piece of Vienetta for afters. We had some of Grandma's homemade crackers, as we do every year. While we all ate, Ethan was in his bouncy chair and he was jumping around by the table. It was so cute.

Liam always does the 'blue steel' in photos.

After dinner, we watched the Queen and opened presents from Liam & Ashleigh and Nan. I got a Hogwarts Library (The Tales of Beedle The Bard, Quidditch Through The Ages, and Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them) from Liam and Ash, and loads of Soap & Glory products from Nan. Pretty pleased with that!

That evening Arron, Kim, Harvey, Paula, Steven, and Ellie joined us. At this point, the house was nicely crowded, and we watched the kids open their various presents. Soon enough, Ellie and Harvey were running around with the Nerf guns Liam had gotten them and shooting everyone. Arron and Kim bought Mum and Martin the UK edition of Cards Against Humanity, and the adults played it until 1am. I have honestly not laughed so much all year; my chest was hurting by the end of it. It was so funny.

I worked on Boxing Day, so I didn't go to Dad's until 4pm. I briefly saw Liam, Ash, Ethan, Nanny Jean, Uncle Paul, and Uncle George before they left. And I ate tonnes again, including a big piece of Dad's amazing lemon meringue pie. I was so full afterwards that I just wanted to lie down. I opened all my presents from Dad and Kath and got loads of cool things - my favourite was the book I got Dad for his birthday ('Goodnight Darth Vader') but in German! It's brilliant!

I had a really great Christmas - even though I have no plans for New Years Eve, and probably won't do much, but I'm happy that the festive season has been so much fun. Also, last night, I finally got to see the new Star Wars movie. It's just as brilliant as everyone is saying, and I was so excited when the movie started. There was a really loud guy who soon shut up when I said loudly, "Are you serious??" - I was glad about this, because I've waited a damn decade for this, and wasn't about to have some bozo ruin it for me (and everyone else in the screen room, obviously).

This post has been terribly disjointed and badly-written, and I apologise. But my sinuses are hurting, and this cold is really beginning to manifest itself. Booooo.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Well, it's not really. Here in England it's just cold and grey, and quite often rainy. But I'm really starting to feel the festive spirit, especially since Liam came home on Friday evening and Caz returned from Manchester yesterday!

It's been three(??) weeks since my last entry on here. I knew I wouldn't stick to the weekly thing for very long. I've been busy working my backside off, and I'm still having a lot of fun. The people I work with are such a laugh, and they're really easy to get along with. The job itself is starting to feel like second nature now; I'm a lot more familiar with the way things work around the store. My confidence has shot up even more, and my social skills are getting back on track again. I'm finding that I'm much better at small talk and making the first move in a conversation now. I'm really thankful for this job and how much it's helped me to come back to the world.

Things on the baking front have been going well. I made some Lebkuchen for practice (I'm making some for my stepmum as part of her Christmas gift, and wanted to do a test-bake), and they came out really delicious! Susie and I have had a couple of baking scenarios, and they were both beautiful but disastrous. First we made what was basically a light version of the Black Forest gateau we made back in August. It was really tasty and so rich, but for some reason the white chocolate ganache had a bit of a tantrum and was really runny, so it ended up engulfing our poor cake.

We also attempted a stollen the other day, and that was just a disaster through and through. NEVER use a recipe from Paul Hollywood - this recipe was just.. Not functional. He reckoned that the stollen needed a whole pound of dried fruit in it. We couldn't even get the entire quantity of fruit into the dough, and then it was so heavy that it barely rose at all. It looked and smelled nice at the end - I've yet to try a piece, but it was 'ok' according to Susie. Here she is looking pretty disillusioned with our stollen slab, and with Paul Hollywood who sits on a throne of lies:

I treated myself recently, too. For literally years, I have wanted the clothbound classics version of Dracula by Bram Stoker. For literally years, I have continuously made some excuse or another not to spend the money on it. But then I put my foot down and said "Treat yo' self!" and now I own it. It's totally beautiful, and looks wonderful on my bookshelf!

All of my favourite TV shows are currently on mid-season breaks, so my life is completely boring and empty until they return. I have hit 2,500 followers on my twitter and since surpassed that number. It's mad that people are actually finding me entertaining (though I do find myself very funny). I also changed my screen name on there to 'Kayligula' (a parody of the Roman emperor Caligula), which I still find endlessly funny.

I have also had a haircut, finally. I have my fringe back, and my hair isn't as unkempt as it was rapidly getting.

Short & Sweet

Honestly, most of what I do week by week is going to work, but I like it that way. I'm still enjoying myself and, as an added bonus, my social skills are starting to get right back on track. Being out of work this year really messed me up socially, but I didn't even realise how bad it had gotten until I got this job and started regularly interacting with strangers again. I'm so much more comfortable making conversation with people now. Having this job is really good for me!

Yesterday, I made a key lime pie for the first time ever. I've never even made a cheesecake, so this was really a shot in the dark. I was pleased with how it came out though; it was creamy with a nice citrus-y hint from the lime juice. The only thing I'd do when I try a cheesecake-type dessert again is work a bit harder on the base - mine kind of fell apart when I cut a slice! Sirius enjoyed the whipped cream I ate the pie with; he kept climbing up the cage and begging for more of it, but I couldn't give him too much or he'd have a bad tummy. Speaking of Sirius, I took a cute photo of him:

I also started wrapping Christmas presents! I'm feeling really good about being able to afford to do Christmas this year, and I actually enjoy wrapping gifts. Not to mention the fact that I have cute wrapping paper - I especially like the sweet robin gift tags (the bellies are puffed-out tissue paper!).

The Crime Museum Uncovered, etc.

Last Wednesday was a really good day. I dragged myself up early again to get the coach to London for the Crime Museum exhibit that I mentioned in my last post. I met up with Lana at Victoria and we took off to the Museum of London, a small (but very cool and interesting) museum not very far away from St Paul's cathedral.

Unfortunately photography was not permitted in the exhibit (I guess because of the sensitive nature of the artifacts, plus there were a lot of old things so camera flashes might've caused damage), but it was incredible. As soon as you walked in there was a Metropolitan Police car behind a barrier of police tape. It was so bleak, fascinating, humbling, and strange to see real crime evidence before your eyes. My favourite bits were the actual nooses used to execute murderers, the bit about the Krays (of course), and the burnt-out chair where a corpse was sitting when the police found it. It wasn't just murders and executions though; there were also sections on drugs, counterfeiting (my favourite!), police techniques, abortions, terrorism, disguised and homemade weapons, and robberies. It was so fascinating, and I would highly recommend going - the exhibit is running until April 10th next year, so if you can get down to London to see it, do! I bought the souvenir book of the exhibit as it's full of photos and information about it all for me to peruse at my leisure because - as you can probably imagine - the exhibition was packed.

By the time we got out of there, we were losing the light so I didn't much fancy going to Whitechapel. We just popped to Topshop on Oxford Street instead; I bought a pair of socks with Nefertiti on them, and Lana and I took some totally terrible and adorable photobooth pictures (we were roped in by the cute mint-coloured photobooth):

While I was wandering around the St Paul's area with Lana, I got a text from Paperchase saying that they want me to come in for an interview on October 25th! I'm really excited, and I hope I get the job. Paperchase is my favourite shop in the whole flamin' world (tied in first place with Waterstones), so I would be in my element there.

On Thursday Mum, Nan and I went to visit Ashleigh and Ethan - we all had withdrawal symptoms because we hadn't seen the baby for a couple of weeks. He's bigger yet again, and smiles and laughs so much. He also loves music - if you play music, set off one of his musical toys, sing to him, etc, he's so happy and involved. Especially if you dance with him too, or bounce him on your knee. My legs got a good work out because he's now 13 pounds in weight, and I was bouncing him on my knees for a good hour or so while Mum played him music (we'd told Ash to go upstairs and take a nap while we were there to keep Ethan occupied). 

Ethan had a very fashionable dinosaur-themed outfit on.

We had a nice lunch at Harvester, and caught up with Ashleigh. Ethan was really well behaved; he got a bit fussy towards the end of the meal because he was hot and bothered and probably quite bored too, but apart from that he was good as gold. I adore that child so much, he's just the most well behaved, placid, smiley and happy little thing. Also, while we were eating lunch, Mum got a phone call from Ryan saying he'd passed his driving test! First time around! We were all proud and so happy for him; I must admit I was slightly appalled that my 18-year-old brother can now legally drive and I cannot. My excuse is that I went to university so I have zero pounds.

Poor Health & Macbeth

It's taken me all day to get around to writing this post; I've felt really exhausted and rough all day. My head is killing me too, which doesn't help. I had a really broken sleep last night so - despite actually getting to sleep fairly early - I don't feel rested.

I feel like I'm in pretty poor health at the moment. I went to the doctors on Monday to follow up about my knees (I've heard nothing from the hospital about physiotherapy); turns out it could take anywhere up to four months for them to even get in contact, so I have to wait and see if they'll bother to get in touch before next month. In the meantime, the doctor gave me some physio exercises to do with my knees to hopefully help them a bit. As for the chronic exhaustion that I'm still suffering from, I've since had a full blood test to see if I'm anaemic again, or if anything else has gone haywire. It says a lot that I'm almost hoping that they do find something - at least I'd be able to get treatment and not be sleeping for almost 18 hours a day.

Still unemployed, but I'm continuing to push out applications. It's a long, hard slog but I know I'm not the only graduate in this position (as much as it feels like I am). While I wait for a foot in the door, I'm continuing to take care of myself, body and mind, to learn, and to try to experience things on my limited funds and energy.

I've also started making a conscious effort to be less harsh on myself; I kept making really strict schedules for every day and beating myself up if I didn't get everything done. It was unnecessary stress, and I'm slowly starting to get the hang of being less critical of myself, and trying to remember that I'm not operating at 100% so I need to adjust my expectations to reflect that. It's an uphill struggle because my default reaction is to tell myself I'm useless and a failure, but it has (so far) been worth it. I feel somewhat calmer and more able to actually get things done. It turns out stressing yourself out doesn't really help you get anywhere on your to do list.

On Tuesday, Susie and I went to see Macbeth (the movie, not the play) - it was utterly incredible. The cinematography was just stunning, the acting was heartrending, and by the end of the movie you could've heard a pin drop in that screen room. Everyone was silent and just awed by it. Susie and I took ages to get over how that movie made us feel. I can't even put it into words - my heart was pounding at the end. It was like adrenaline, even though the film wasn't scary. Whatever I was expecting from Macbeth, it was NOT that kind of trauma! Plus, Michael Fassbender is in it, and if that's not an incentive to watch it, I don't know what is. After the movie, we went to Kaspa's for a sundae - we felt we needed sugar after the shock to our systems. I had their very cherry sundae, and a soda float (I'm serious about the needing-sugar thing!). I would watch it again, but I feel like I'd need to really prepare myself emotionally for it.

Wednesday was baking day for me! I made neapolitan cupcakes, which came out really well and tasted beautiful! I was quite pleased with myself, having never attempted a double-layer cupcake like this before. Baking every week is really good for my psyche. It's something to focus on, results in something that everyone can enjoy, and it's therapeutic to do it all by hand. I wish I wasn't an idiot so I could make a business out of it!

On Friday, I got myself a ticket to an exhibition at the Museum of London. Basically, Scotland Yard (headquarters of the Metropolitan Police, who service most of London) have what is referred to colloquially as the 'Black Museum', which is a private collection of evidence from crimes. Historically, it's only ever been open to the police or invited guests, but now they've agreed to have an exhibit of some of the pieces! The exhibit opened yesterday, and I'm going on Wednesday. I'm so excited to see it, and I'll also be a 15-minute Tube ride away from the infamous Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel (where Ronnie Kray shot and killed George Cornell), so I'll probably go and see that as well as Whitechapel itself (where Jack the Ripper played in the 1880's). It's going to be a grisly crime tour of London, and I cannot wait! My coach home isn't until 7:30pm, so I'll have plenty of time after the exhibition to explore.

Finally, I've been getting lots of love on twitter lately, which greatly feeds my need for validation. If you don't already follow me, whoomp here it is. I promise I'm funny sometimes.

(Another) New Start

    I've decided to make a commitment to updating this blog once a week. If I've done nothing interesting, I will make myself find something to talk about, or do a writing prompt. I need to keep writing something, anything, because I've gotten so rusty with it lately and I need to get back to my best. I hope that trying to update this blog will get me back on track. Of course if something interesting happens (like a day out, gig, etc) I will add a separate post just for that, but generally, there will now be a post every Sunday evening (GMT).

~ Kayleigh

Apple Events Suck

On Wednesday, Caz and I went to London to see a talk featuring Martha Howe-Douglas, Ben Willbond, and Laurence Rickard. They were promoting their new film, Bill, which is out today coincidentally! It's about what William Shakespeare did in his 'lost years' (or, what the Horrible Histories crew decided he did). It was really funny, and of course so surreal to see three amazing actors that I love in front of me.

Can't really see Martha because of that STUPID PILLAR.

Afterwards, we quickly dashed to the back of the room where Larry was chatting to someone. We got a quick hug from him, and got to tell him he's hilarious, BUT THEN.
I must rant about the Apple Store in Covent Garden. They had another event lined up straight after the Bill talk, but they were so rude to everyone. They started fielding Larry into a back room, and telling us to get lost basically. They threw all of the fans out who had come to meet the actors; Caz and I were especially pissed off because we'd travelled 2 hours to London to see these guys. We later found out that they threw the actors out straight away as well! We wouldn't have been so upset if they hadn't been so bloody rude about it. Not to mention the fact that that store is absolutely gigantic, they could have easily directed us to another area to meet/talk to the actors. It was so unfair as every other publicity event for Bill had the actors meeting people, and we got nothing. I won't be going to another Apple event; it was disorganised and a let-down, and the staff were absolutely dreadful to us.

We stood outside in the pouring rain (it had been hammering down all day, which only added to how annoyed and let-down we felt), and were moaning about how badly done the event was and how we only got about a minute to hug Larry and tell him he's fab. Then, I spotted Ben Willbond walking by! Literally, if I'd have blinked I would've missed him. So I quickly went over to him and asked if I could speak to him for a bit.

He was so lovely, and sighed in a defeated way when I called him 'Ben Won't-bond'. I also let him know that I loved him in The Thick Of It, and got a big hug from him. I may have also accidentally told him he's so much more handsome in real life (which is true). He was just as baffled as us about the poorly-run event, and was really guilty and gutted that he hadn't had a chance to talk to everyone and meet the fans. I was livid hearing that even the actors got treated like shit by that bloody store. He obliged to have a photo with Caz and I after we'd chatted for a bit, which was utterly lovely of him. He was on his own time, and it was pouring with rain, but he still had photos and was gracious and sweet the whole time. He was amazed at how far we'd come just to meet them, and was really sad that we didn't get to meet Martha or Larry (properly, I mean). I really am so mad at that Apple Store and the staff """running""" the event. But here is a lovely lovely photo of me looking like ugly trash next to the very handsome Ben Willbond!

I also saw this huge, (very) brightly-lit billboard in Leicester Square and had to immediately send a photo to Susie:

We went to see Legend on Tuesday, and it was just incredible. If you haven't seen it already, I urge you to do so! Tom Hardy was phenomenal in it; if he doesn't at least get nominated for an Oscar, I will be very surprised. The man did a fight scene with himself, for crying out loud. Susie and I joked that he could technically win Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor for the same movie, as he plays both of the Kray twins.

An Adventure in the Big Smoke

On Wednesday, I took my little brother Ryan to London for a day out and it was so much fun. What wasn't fun was waking up at 7am to be at the station in time for a 9:30am coach, but it was all up from there.

When we got there, I took him to see Trafalgar Square (18 years old and he's never seen it!), and he was suitably impressed. I then took him to mine and Mutti's favourite Wetherspoons, The Lord Moon of the Mall for lunch. It was a delicious lunch, and he made me laugh when all of the filling in his burger was falling out and he just looked at me, deadpan, and said, "White boy problems." I had the nicest Eton Mess for dessert, yum!

We embarked on the daring mission that made us plan the day trip in the first place. You may or may not know that Nicki Minaj (our favourite woman in the world) has a drink out called Myx Fusions; recently, it's started to be sold in the UK but there are only two locations in England at the moment. One is in Birmingham, and the other in South London. I was worried they wouldn't have it in stock or something, but it was there! Shelves and shelves of it! They had the original moscato grape, and the peach flavour. We bought a four pack of each flavour, then traded two bottles between ourselves. It was a tenner just for a four pack, but we were so thrilled that we'd found it.

An immediate drinking location was required, so I thought to get back into Central London and then get the Tube north to Camden. We went to Regent's Park and sprawled on the grass to try a bottle of Myx each. I tried the peach and Ryan tried the original, but we let each other have a sip of the respective flavours. It is SO nice, very sweet and fruity. It would be a perfect summer party drink. Here's a photo I took last night of me being an advert (fun fact: the official Myx Fusions account liked this picture on Instagram!):

I then showed Ryan Camden High Street, Camden Lock, Cyberdog (of course!), and the Stables Market, where we took advantage of the free samples of Thai chicken (deeeelicious!). He'd never been to Camden either, so of course I had to make sure he got to see how amazing it is there. He has fallen sufficiently in love with it, so now I can legally accept him as my brother.

At this point, Ryan also disclosed to me that - although he's been to King's Cross - he has never seen Platform 9¾! I immediately pushed him onto the Tube to go see it. Unfortunately the 'official' photographer person was there, and there was a huge queue for photos, so Ryan decided not to get his photo done. I was lucky back in 2012, when Sophie and I found the platform deserted and took free, casual photos! We had a quick turn around the accompanying Harry Potter shop but really, that place is always way too packed to have a decent look.

I then decided Ryan simply had to visit the CyberCandy shop near Leicester Square. So that was the next destination on the list. Again, Ryan was suitably impressed with all the amazing American/other sweets and treats on offer (though less impressed with the prices!). We had a KFC at Leicester Square, and I was glad to sit down because my knees were really starting to act up at this point. It had also started raining, which didn't help. There was an absolutely mad cleaning lady in there, who seemed to be the unofficial guardian of the disabled/baby change toilet. She had the key to get in and you had to ask her for it; Ryan and I witnessed many people being told off for leaving the door ajar when they left the bathroom. It was hilarious!

Ryan wanted to go and 'visit the Queen' (see Buckingham Palace again - he's been before but he really likes it). On popping out of a different exit of the Tube station at Charing Cross, I found this:

That's 'A Conversation With Oscar Wilde' by Maggi Hambling. I've read lots about it, being a fan of Wilde, but had never worked out where it was or happened across it. I wasn't expecting to find it, and there it was right in front of me! I personally think it's a brilliant piece of art. A lot of people say it's 'ugly' but I like that Wilde is emerging from a sarcophagus (that is also a bench) and smoking a cigarette. It was a pleasure to see the sculpture in real life! At this point, I also had to have a good talking-to to Ryan, because he didn't know who Oscar Wilde was. I was very close to resorting to violence.

As we were walking up the Mall towards the Palace, the rain got really bad. The raindrops were like bullets and it was so bloody cold. We spotted the Institute of Contemporary Arts, and quickly took shelter. I became enamoured with every book in the place (there was a lot on feminism and psychology, which interested me), and had to restrain myself from spending way too much money. There was also a postcard that said 'I Cunt Spell' on it, which tickled my fancy. Wish I'd gotten it now. While we were browsing, Ryan said, "Why do books always smell so weird?" to which I stopped in my tracks and said, "How dare you."

When the rain calmed down a bit, we ventured out again. The flag was up and the lights were on in Buckingham Palace, so we knew Mrs Queen was in. We waved at the Palace, just on the off-chance she was peeping out of the window. I love the Queen, and Buckingham Palace is always nice, no matter how many times you see it.

From the Palace, we strolled through Westminster to Parliament Square, where I took the best photo I've ever taken (may or may not be true - I just can't stress enough how proud I am of this picture):

That was the sky. It was totally beautiful, a mess of colours, stormy and turbulent and oppressive. I didn't care about 'looking like a tourist', I had to have a photo of that angry sky. I also got some painkillers because my knees were really throbbing and seizing up, and I was starting to noticeably hobble. Embarrassing. A 23-year-old walking like she's 80.

We stood by Big Ben because it was nearly 8pm and we wanted to hear the BONGs. We were there because Ryan wanted to see Big Ben all lit up at night (he'd never seen that in real life either), and look at the lit-up London Eye. After the (suitably impressve) BONGs, we crossed Westminster Bridge to where the London Eye is. It was nice to stroll alongside the Thames, amongst couples and families and friends just meandering and enjoying the evening. It wasn't too cold out, and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Thus begins the stupidly-grainy photos because my phone can't handle the dark.

There was a slushie place on the bank (I can't for the life of me remember the name of it), that did mixes of different flavours, and you could also add a double shot of alcohol if you wanted! Obviously, Ryan and I capitalised on this right away. He had tequila, with an apple slush base and sour cherry mix. I had lemon and blood orange base, sour cherry mix, and vodka. They were so delicious, but kept giving us the most terrible brain-freeze. I have never had it that bad, and I'm convinced it was the alcohol's fault. It was nice to lean on the railings near the Thames, looking out at all the lights while an amazing fiddle player performed just down the walk from us.

On hearing the 9pm BONGs from Big Ben, we decided to get back to Victoria (our coach home was at 10pm). We were both absolutely knackered by the time we got to the coach station; it didn't help that the coach was slightly delayed. The ride home is a bit of a blur to me - Ryan and I put our headphones on because we were both tired and too many people had really crackly food packets (who needs to eat at 11pm? Seriously?), and it was annoying.

We had such a brilliant time! I love London anyway, and getting to show parts of it to someone who's not as familiar with the city was so fulfilling and exciting. We accomplished our Myx Fusions mission, had a brilliant day, and we were very sorry to come home. Ryan said he wanted to stay forever, and I kind of agree. I miss being near London and being able to pop there whenever I wanted. I will return for a trip as soon as I can!

Learning The Word 'Yes'

This blog has, yet again, become pretty derelict. I'm very aware that there aren't many people who would give much of a crap about my life and what's happening in it, but I like to blog. I like having somewhere to talk about fun things, bad things, interesting things. So here I am, yet again, trying to revive this blog.

The title of this post is referring to the fact that I've spent too much time hiding myself away, cancelling plans, and saying 'no' by default. It's a harsh side-effect of being depressed - you know you will probably have fun if you forced yourself to go out, but the motivation to make yourself get up, get dressed and presentable, and head out to meet someone/go somewhere, is just absent. It's a vicious cycle, though - the more you say no because you can't face going out, the more bitter and upset you feel about never going anywhere, doing anything, or seeing anyone. This has been me for most of 2015, and I'm now trying to break out of that damaging cycle.

Saying yes to things is difficult, but I'm trying my best to start agreeing to plans and making myself do things. So this week, so far, I have these plans!

• Tomorrow - I'm going to do some miscellaneous errands, finally download and watch the Hannibal finale, and I will be baking a lemon drizzle traybake. Mum asked if I could make one absolutely aaaages ago, and I've finally got the courage to give it a whirl.
• Wednesday - An early start because Ryan and I are catching the 9:30 coach to London for the day! We're going to go on a search for Nicki Minaj's Myx Moscato in the only place that (apparently) stocks it. We will also wander around some museums and just generally have a good day out in the big smoke. It'll be nice to spend a bit of time with my little brother in one of my favourite places in the world.
• Thursday - In the evening, Susie has invited me out to a cocktail bar that is also a hair salon (I know, I don't get it either but it sounds interesting); apparently it's quite a classy little place so we'll be wearing gorgeous dresses and red lippy and cocktails are actually my favourite thing in the world. It's going to be so fun!

I'm proud of myself just for these little things. There is also an embryonic plan with Caz to go bowling at the weekend, which is always a laugh. Maybe I'll have some stuff to actually talk about on this blog soon. Here's to hoping, anyway.

Baby Ethan, My Dysfunctional Knees & Losing 25% of My Wisdom

Mum, Ryan and I went to visit Liam, Ashleigh and Ethan on Monday. It was the first time I'd seen the little man since he was born, and he's so perfect! He's tiny and quiet and placid, and I love him already. Liam and Ashleigh were so cute too - they couldn't stop looking at their little boy, like he was a small miracle. He napped most of the time we were there, occasionally opening his eyes to peek out at everyone. It was so great to see him, and to see how well Ashleigh is looking.

My knees are still in pain after my collapse on Saturday (and probably from subsequently walking for miles on the same day, oops). I went to orthopaedics at the hospital on Tuesday and got an X-ray. Apparently my cartilage and bones are ok, and I have 'weak muscles'. I don't understand how, seeing as it's my actual knee that gives way and locks up and all the rest of it. But I'm willing to play ball and go to the physiotherapy I've been referred to. Anything that'll help the pain I'm in will be good.

This morning, I had my top right wisdom tooth removed. My dentist was really nice, and reassured me through the whole procedure (which was surprisingly quick). The numbing injections weren't too bad - what creeped me out the most was the nasty crunching sound I could hear as he pulled the tooth out. When he was done, I got up and was shaking uncontrollably because I am still pretty scared of the dentist, and I imagine the trauma of getting a tooth ripped out makes your body react weirdly. But I'm pleased with myself for going and getting it done, despite my fear. My mouth hurts a bit now, but I've had painkillers which has taken the edge off.

Prohibition Themes in Bristol

    Yesterday, Susie and I went on a fab day out to Bristol. At Temple Meads station, right at the beginning of the day, my left knee decided it would be a fantastic idea to give out again. It was so painful and I was just thankful that I had a nurse-in-training with me to make sure I would be able to stand up again. It was so distressing and embarrassing because the station was packed. A hot guy came over and asked me if I needed a hand getting up, or if I wanted him to call anyone. It was so sweet of him, but I was far too upset to take advantage of his kindness. I'm ok, but I can tell you my knee has now seized up fantastically and I can barely walk. Fab.

After finding painkillers, we walked to the centre via the cathedral, and found a chip shop called Catch-22, which I found absolutely hilarious. They do the nicest chips ever! We got a portion each and then chilled on the college green to eat them. It was a nice day - warm and sunny, but also with a nice cool breeze.

We visited the Bristol City Museum & Art Gallery, where I was immediately drawn to the Ancient Egypt section. They had canopic jars, which thrilled me. Elsewhere in the museum, they had cool things like: a Romani caravan; an angler fish that had washed ashore (I don't even know how an angler fish got to the surface without imploding, but he apparently did); and DINOSAURS. I love museums, they're so brilliant!

We walked all the way up to Clifton Village, which is a really posh part of Bristol. It was here that I spent a lot of time crying over beautiful townhouses that probably cost more than I'll ever earn in my life. The architecture is lovely around there. We stopped in a little dessert shop and had milkshake and a wonderful chocolate pie.

Feeling energised by our sweet snacks, we made our way over to the Clifton suspension bridge. I've lived a half-hour train ride away from Bristol for most of my life and I've never seen it in person. Standing on the bridge, looking out at the city on such a beautiful day, was really pleasant. I was getting the 'call of the void', though, and congratulate myself for not jumping off. It was nice to stand up there and have a chit-chat while watching the city go about its business. We spent a long while there, feeling the cool breeze and taking in the sunshine, and I'm glad I forced my aching knees to carry me up the steep hill to get there.

To get down to that main road in the bottom photo, Susie and I had to walk down a treacherous path known as 'The Zig Zag'; it's shaped, strangely, like a zig-zag and it's so steep. Honestly, we spent the whole trek down giggling nervously and convinced we'd end up falling off the path and breaking our necks. Great butt and thigh workout though!

Having walked all that way, we decided we deserved a drink so we strolled to a place on the waterfront called The Apple. It's a bar that sells cider, and some of the seating is on a boat! It was such a nice atmosphere there, watching people go by on their boats in the sunshine. After that, we moved on to The Old Duke, an old jazz pub where Susie's Dad used to play. The pub has such character, and a great band was playing (they were called J.C. Calloway & The Prohibition Jazz Band and they were fantastic). Susie was putting some make-up on in the loos and I'd mentioned how ridiculous my pale skin is; Susie said in a really blasé manner, "Do you want some lipgloss... Corpse?" and I couldn't even be mad because it was so funny.

We decided we were ready for some grub, and we were going to eat at a great pizzeria that Susie had been to before, but they didn't have tables until 8pm which was clearly ridiculous. So we walked over to Gloucester Road, an area full of artsy types and lots of brilliant graffiti, where there are loads of food places. However, we got waylaid by a bar called The Bootlegger - it's a Prohibition-themed bar with signature cocktails, good music, really friendly barmen, and they served some of my drinks in mason jars! It's such a cool place (and I've noticed there's a bit of a Prohibition theme going on here, which suits me fine).

We had dinner a few doors down from The Bootlegger, at an Italian restaurant called Amici (we were dead set on pizza at this point). The pizzas there were so fantastic! They were really rustic and tasted properly homemade, with the most delicious tomato sauce. And they were quite big too, so we soaked up the drinks we'd already had at this point, in order to make room for more cocktails of course!

When we got back to The Bootlegger, it was a lot more lively. There were so many well-dressed people there (including what looked like a birthday party of women dressed as flapper girls!) - lots of men in shirts and braces, which Susie and I loved. Amongst other drinks, I had the one in the photo above. It's a Dark & Stormy; I'm thrilled someone named a cocktail after my personality, plus it has ginger beer in it. It tastes pirate-y. My other favourite was Black/Dark Passion (I can't remember the adjective, lmao). It had fresh blackberries in it, so I pretended that that totally made it healthy. Live music was playing in the bar at this point, and they played bloody Miserlou from Pulp Fiction, it was so funny.

We managed to just about make the last train, and of course it was full of drunk people. It also became delayed because of another train stuck on the tracks; we had to take a big detour and then go backwards to stop at Chippenham before going home. It was such a pain in the ass and was really annoying me because I was so tired from all the walking and hilarity. However, there were some crazy drunk men in the next carriage who provided some entertainment. With no context, we heard the following (all said in broad Wiltshire accents):

• "Oy listen, I just saved you from a WORLD of SHIT."
• *slightly singing* "Cheeeeese on toast... Maaaarmalade on toast."
• *after a long period of silence* "AARRRRRRRRRR!"
• "I saved your life."

Susie and I were in fits of laughter over how ridiculous they were all being; it didn't help that all the yelling was slightly muffled as the carriage doors were shut. I finally got home at about 00:30, and slept gloriously.

From My Bed of Pain

I'm stuck here for the day having just had surgery on my big toes. They have such large dressings on them that I look like I'm wearing huge marshmallows, it's pretty hilarious. The anaesthetic is wearing off though, so they'll soon be stinging away. The upside is that there's a 95% chance of me never getting an ingrown toenail again. Which I think is a fair enough exchange for a few days of pain and rest.

I am utterly dreading going to the dentist tomorrow morning, for a few reasons..

1. I've not been to the dentist (apart from back in 2013 for my wisdom tooth blues) since I turned 18. That's a good 5 years of just winging it, which is dreadful.
2. I'm scared of being told off by the dentist, because my old dentist (who was the last straw for me not going for so long) was so rude to me all of the time.
3. I have a huge, inexplicable phobia of that hook-shaped scrape-y tool that the dentist uses to scratch and poke at your teeth - pretty sure it's called a scaler?? I was talking to my psychologist about it the other day and was actually sweating and shaking just thinking about it. Luckily, Caz is an angel and is coming with me for moral support (and to tell the dentist off if he's scary).

But the dentist's office I'm registered with is housed in a gorgeous Victorian building up in Old Town, so that cheers me up somewhat. At least I'll be in a pretty environment while I'm tortured with the hook-shaped scrape-y dentist tool.

It is 6 days until Ashleigh's due date, which means we'll soon be welcoming my new nephew into the world! I'm so excited to meet him - this year has been so crap in so many ways, but the thought of a new little life beginning is buoying me up. I made Ashleigh a gorgeous dark and white chocolate layer cake when Mum and I went to visit her last Sunday (and it was delicious, I have to say!) just to give her a lovely treat. We're all just hoping and praying that baby stays put until Liam gets back home on Friday!

I'm looking forward to the weekend because Susie and I are going to be having a brilliant day/evening out in Bristol. It'll be so much fun - I love Bristol, and haven't been (for leisure) in aaaages.

Oxford - A Tolkien Tour

When I arrived at Oxford, the weather was absolutely beautiful and I decided to first walk out to Wolvercote cemetery, just in case it started raining later. I took a wonderfully scenic route along the canal; it was so relaxing despite the millions of flies and almost being run over by a cyclist. Speaking of cyclists, there were thousands of them! I was beyond confused.

It took me a good hour to walk to the cemetery, but I'm glad I did. I feel better for the exercise. I was slightly concerned that I wouldn't be able to find Tolkien - that concern was quickly alleviated when I immediately noticed a small sign in the grass verge pointing the way. I followed these signs, through the cemetery (which is pretty huge), until one eventually pointed off of the path, into the grass. And there I was, at the grave of the man who wrote my childhood, who brought (and still brings) so much magic and wonder into my life.

Under that soil, with his lovely wife, was one of the greatest writers England has ever produced. I sat beside them for quite some time, enjoying the peace and the sunshine. I told him thanks for everything, and left a wooden rose on the soil amongst other bunches of flowers left by people who visited before.

(After taking this pretentious photo of it on the stone)

I was going to walk back to the city centre, but I was overheated and my legs were hurting. So I got a bus. Once back there, I strolled around the perimeter of Oxford University. I was so intimidated by the beautiful buildings, the nicely dressed students - it smelt of money and privilege. It was like a totally different world. I spent a lot of time ambling around the uni, getting lost on campus briefly, and through the little winding side streets.

Then, shortly after midday, I made my way over to a certain pub I had been reading about - The Eagle and Child. It's a 17th century pub, across from the main building of the university, and it was a favourite haunt of the Inklings. This was a group of writers including Tolkien who used to meet and have a drink and discuss whatever literary geniuses discuss. Obviously as part of my little Tolkien tour, I had to at least have one drink in there!

Inside the pub was just as rustic and quiet as I'd hoped it would be. I mean, there were plenty of people in the main room, but in the 'Rabbit Room', where the inklings used to hang out, it was empty. I eyed the table near the fireplace, reading the plaque above it stating that this was the spot in which the Inklings would hang out. As I approached the bar, I kept my eyes on that table and my fingers crossed that no one would poach the seat before I had a chance.

(The framed paper above the fireplace has samples of the Inklings' handwriting!)

I got to sit at that table, and was ridiculously thrilled about it. Now that I had secured my place, I ordered some macaroni and cheese for lunch - in all my excitement, I hadn't noticed how famished I was. It took a while to come because of the lunchtime rush, but in the meantime I had a lot of fun.

First, a miscellaneous bloke floated over to my table and asked if he could sit with me. I said of course, of course, and asked him if that was an Aussie accent I heard. It was. An Australian man wanted to sit at the table with me. We got to talking about Tolkien and it turns out he'd been touring around Europe and England for the last month, and he was in Oxford on a little Tolkien pilgrimage of his own! His name was Mike, and we ended up exploring Oxford together for the rest of the afternoon.

Then, an American couple asked to join Mike and I at the Inklings table. Again, I said of course. They were very friendly and nice, and the husband (Zachary) was here on a Tolkien pilgrimage too! His wife, Mary Lauren, very graciously joined him to Oxford. They were tourists too, and had been around many lovely, quaint areas in England. It was so amazing to randomly meet tourists in a town packed full of international university students. Anyway, we all chatted (me occasionally through mouthfuls of mac and cheese - they used local cheddar in it and it was absolutely delicious) about our respective adventures, they all asked questions about England and English people in general, and Mike was kind enough to buy me a pint of cider (it was because he clearly fancied me, let's be honest). The Americans took their leave after they'd had lunch and Mike and I decided to go find Tolkien's old house.

It wasn't a very long walk away from the pub to get there. Of course, Google Maps helped me in abundance. We found the house, but we weren't ready for the thousands of old people in the garden, chilling. We spent a lot of time behind the fence just snorting with laughter and trying to surreptitiously take a photo of the blue plaque saying that Tolkien had in fact lived there. We managed eventually.

It's pretty indiscernible but I promise it says something along the lines of 'J.R.R. Tolkien, a well famous author and University of Oxford professor, used to live here'. It was so magical to see the place where he lived, where he was buried, and where he used to drink. The three most important places, really!

Mike and I spent the rest of the afternoon mooching, taking in the scenery, and talking absolute rubbish. We sprawled out in a meadow for a while, watching the squirrels gambol around. We people watched, and laughed, and browsed Waterstones, and my feet were hurting so much but it was totally worth all the fun I had. We went to the station together and he left a little before me (he was going back to his hostel in London, I was returning home via Didcot, of course). He's off back to Perth on Thursday!

The Bridge of Sighs

I had such a brilliant time! I want to go back again and explore more of the university and city some day.

Almost A Month Later

Good godfathers. Can you believe back in 2009 I used to blog every day? Sure, I was always out and about and doing stuff back then, but I thought I'd at least utilise this blog to talk about Stuff and Things. No such luck, I'm too tired and quite often too fed up to bother.

Anyway, another little update is in order I suppose. I'm still applying like a maniac to any job or internship that I'm even vaguely qualified for (and some that I'm not); still no luck, but I'm soldiering on. I'm also working on a ~project~ that may or may not come into fruition sometime soon. It's a lot to do with the difficulty of finding a (decent) job after university and also how crap it is to have graduated at one of the worst possible times i.e. after a major global economic crash. It's giving me a place to air my frustration and channel it into something that will hopefully become something productive. I'll say more when and if I ever get the project up and running.

Due to the depression of being jobless and stuck in my hometown with no plans, I've been very lethargic and apathetic lately. I guess I haven't updated this blog because I don't really see much point, as I'm mostly sleeping and playing Cooking Mama 3 right now, ha. However, there are some good things for me to talk about!

One of these is that we found out what Liam and Ashleigh are having! It's a little boy, so another nephew for me! We found out when we (Mutti, Martin, me, Ryan, Nan, Vati & Kath) went with Liam and Ash to a Chinese restaurant for dinner, and afterwards they cut open a cake they'd made especially - we all watched with bated breath because there were candies inside, either blue or pink, to signify which sex the baby is. And of course, when Nan cut the cake open....

Blue candy! You can kiiiind of see Liam and Ash in the background, looking all proud of themselves. It's so lovely how excited they are about the arrival of their little man! It's weird, I'd never want kids of my own but when family members/friends are expecting a baby, I get so caught up with all the excitement. Looking forward to meeting my new nephew, it's only four-ish months away now!

Today, I got a package from the lovely Jayne (I wrote a post about her lovely Etsy shop back in 2013); it's a custom necklace that I bought with a photo of Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald Cobblepot in it! And, as per Jayne's usual fabulous work, it's perfect!

It definitely cheered me up some! I'm not plugging her or anything (I am, I am totally plugging her), but I highly recommend you go take a peep at Jayne's shop because she has so many cute pieces for sale, not to mention her custom work has always been stunning in my experience. Oh, and her prices are ridiculously reasonable for the quality you get!

*insert general comment about how I should blog more, and non-committal statement saying that I will strive to write more often*

I Need To Start Blogging Again...

I'm having a weirdly productive day today, so I thought I'd make a post about things that have been going on since my last post, aaaages ago. There isn't tonnes to talk about, because I'm still jobless (but looking!), and my dwindling bank account doesn't really allow me to go out to places and do things. BUT, here goes!

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I finally got my hair cut, for the first time in about eight months - last time I had it done was before I went to America! Eek! Kim did a fantastic job as usual; I asked for a bit of a style change, and she's cut it a couple of inches shorter as well as adding in more layers, and a cute fringe.

I also dyed my hair a really dark shade of red; it's faded a bit and looks so nice now, but of course I was bathing in the first plague of Egypt for a week.

At the end of January, I went to see Lana. It was pretty brill because I hadn't seen her for pretty much a year; we ate Chinese food and laughed at her aunt's dating adventures with a man who 'looked like a baked bean', and we wandered London, just generally enjoying each other's company. It was a welcome break from this stupid town.

On February 7th, I went out with Susie. It was a really good night - we chatted in German, laughed at everything, and toasted to 'chronic dissatisfaction'. It was only when I drank some crazy Slovakian liqueur that was ridiculously strong that I was in a bit of bother. Susie put me in a taxi and I somehow managed to get in the house and lock the door. I was just trying to pull my boots off when I fell spectacularly, hitting my face on the stair banister and falling back into the living room, where I hit the back of my head ridiculously hard. I got the next bit from Mum because I remember nothing from then. I was apparently violently and copiously sick; her and Martin had to drag me upstairs and wash my hair before they put me to bed. Then, apparently, I was laying in bed speaking in tongues and laughing to myself. After five days of a near-constant splitting headache and feeling queasy, I went to the doctors and it turned out the puking, subsequent mad behaviour, and the memory loss, was down to the fact I'd been walking around with a concussion. So, that was hilarious. Thankfully it's completely better now!

February 15th - Caz was down from Manchester for a bit, and we decided to go bowling. We put our names as House and Wilson, played terribly, and then went on this really cool Alien arcade game and played a really violent round of air hockey. Back at her house, we tried to play Fatal Frame 2 again because Markiplier is currently playing it and we still don't think it's as good as the first one. Honestly, there's so much wandering around doing nothing, the story is barely existent and has huge holes in it, and there are ghosts that literally have nothing to do with anything that happens. The first one is 1000 times better, and trying to play the second one again confirmed that for me and Caz. PLAY THE FIRST ONE/subliminal messaging.

My little brother Ryan turned 18. I may as well just put myself in a home and be done with it. He's thrilled about finally being able to buy booze legally. And he's gotten a really nice Buddha tattoo on the back of his leg. It's so weird that my baby bro is legally an adult now.

Continuing on the family vein, Ashleigh is now about 18 weeks along with her pregnancy. Google tells me the foetus is now the size of a bell pepper, and will be starting to move his/her arms and legs around more. I'm so excited to meet them!

On a much sadder note, my grandfather Dave (who has been with my Nan for about 16-17 years, and married her not even a month ago) passed away on February 18th. He'd been fighting cancer for 15 years, but you wouldn't have known it. He was always energetic and sociable and inquisitive, and he and Nan went on many travels and adventures together. He'd gotten worse in the last couple of years, but that didn't stop him going to Australia for Christmas last year. He only really stopped when he was hospitalised, mere days before he died. Even then, Mum says he was trying to get his coat and walk out of there to go to lunch with them. He was an ex-Para, so he was a squaddie through and through, and stubborn to the last. Apparently he went peacefully, surrounded by family, which is all we could hope for. His funeral is next Thursday.

I've also gotten into watching Gotham, and I'm so glad I did because I'm in love with it, and with most of the cast. Not to mention that Cory Michael Smith (Edward Nygma aka the Riddler) and Robin Lord Taylor (Oswald Cobblepot aka the Penguin) both favourited tweets I sent to them!

I've also been keeping up with Law & Order: SVU, and The Walking Dead. It's weird - I never used to regularly watch TV shows, or I'd just find one that I really love and binge-watch it. But now I'm discovering so much good telly, and it's great at the moment as it distracts me from my current poor, unemployed-ness. I've also compiled lists of movies that I want to watch, and I'm working on going through those. I'm reading a lot as well - I recently finished The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde and I'm now reading Tolkien: A Dictionary, which is so interesting and makes me happy because it's about everything, everyone and everywhere in beautiful Middle Earth.

I've been revamping my wanderlust list, and may update the page on here eventually. I must say that my list has gotten wildly out of hand - it would probably be easier to just write 'anywhere and everywhere, up to and including space'. I've had to split the list up into many subsections. There are so many wonderful places in the world, and I want to see all of them!

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As for my productive day today, I woke up at 8am (naturally, and not feeling completely dead for once), and just before 10am I worked on writing a copy example for a job I'm applying to at Harrods' head office (eeeek!!). I finished that and sent it, then left to get some ingredients from - as I was waiting for the bus, a bloke gave me his dayrider that he'd finished with, so that was good! At asda, I got lunch and a hot chocolate from Costa, and when I got home I made some fudgy coconut brownies (using this recipe)! I have since sampled one, and they came out utterly delicious.

And have a bonus photo of Jackson: