January Blues

Ah, January. The start of a new year. All the gyms suddenly fill up, companies try to sell diet plans on the telly, and dry January becomes a thing. Everyone’s talking about their goals and resolutions, vowing to make this year the Best Year Yet. Social media is full of people talking about all of their exciting plans. I’m so guilty of this too (hard evidence as shown in my New Year Goals post); I think it’s in the back of a lot of people’s minds. It’s like the New Year fireworks were starting pistols on our aspirations for the coming year.

Is it really good for us though? We put ourselves under enormous pressure to become immediately better – “New year, new me!” is a common phrase in January. But honestly, Christmas was only five minutes ago, and if you’re anything like me you ate a lot of a food that was terrible for you (my recently-lifted chocolate ban didn’t help matters). You probably also drank more alcohol and moved less. The weather was shite, which makes people feel miserable as it is. January is a post-indulgence slump and a weird, suspended time where people are easing back into work and everyday life. Nobody knows what day it is. Everyone feels a bit wistful because after all the months of planning, buying, and decorating, the festive period is over and everyone is grumpy again – it’s cold and we’re all skint. Looking at it like this makes me think we’re all mad for wanting to stress ourselves more with resolutions to look better, feel better, be better.

Just because our calendars dictate that a new year has begun (I’m still pissed at Pope Gregory XIII for putting these constraints on us), doesn’t mean that you have to instantly change or attain your goals. I’m not magically well again and I need to stop holding myself up to ridiculous standards. Saying “Omg, it’s 10 days into 2018 and you’ve done NOTHING.” is really unhelpful. Quite aside from the fact that I have done things, there are 355-ish days left of the year, plenty of time to work on my list of goals for 2018. My ultimate downfall is trying to look really far ahead instead of focusing on smaller, more attainable tasks that will eventually add up to my Ultimate Goals. I think it’s an anxiety thing – constantly feeling like you’re running out of time, even though you objectively aren’t.

It’s brilliant to have goals and to want to improve yourself and your life, obviously. But it shouldn’t come at the expense of your mental or physical health. Goals should be just that: something to work towards, and not to beat yourself up over. Some things you want to do simply won’t be possible in the relatively short time of a year, and that’s ok. Part of my recovery process is learning to be a lot nicer to myself. It’s arduous as I’m incredibly, notoriously hard on myself and hold myself up to standards that I can’t possibly meet right now. Acknowledging the shitness of January and how crap I feel post-festivities, and the fact that “New year, new me!” is a positive statement and not an order, is part of my self-care. I need to make the time to feel rubbish for a bit, and get some rest.

I think I will follow Chinese New Year (16th February) this year. I’ve decided, for my own mental wellbeing, that January is a write-off, a prep month for the actual year. Apologies to my Mum, Nan, Stepmum, best pal Lana, and everyone else who was born in January (happy birthday btw) – your month is crummy and I refuse to participate.

I’m aware that my very sporadic blogging has been pretty negative of late, but let’s be honest - I’m not exactly in a positive place. Unfortunately you get all of me, including the shite. This post came completely by surprise; I was suddenly awash with the urge to write something about how shoddy it all is and seized that by the horns. Maybe next I’ll write about being the most half-arsed blogger of All Time. We’ll see.

How do you tackle January blues and find motivation? How do you function like an actual person when everything’s a bit miserable? I’d love to hear your thoughts and strategies – so I can immediately nick them and try them out. Despite my moaning, I hope everyone, me included (being nicer to myself, see?), has a great 2018!

Happy New Year! - 2018 Goals

I had a good New Year's Eve. Caz and I went to see The Last Jedi - I'd already seen it a few days before but was so up for watching it again. We went a bit nuts with the merchandise at the cinema, and the film was somehow even better than the first time I saw it.

We had some grub at Pizza Hut, then went to Caz's house to scream at Resident Evil 7 (it's seriously good, and terrifying). As I write this, I am enjoying my first chocolate in a whole year - some beautifully posh white chocolate skulls from Maple Molly's. I waited until Big Ben finished his BONGs before eating one, so it could be 'properly' 2018.

Following my recap/goals post, I've written a list of goals to aim for this year.

2018 Goals

Reach a healthy BMI

I was doing well in the middle of 2017, but got a little worse at the end of the year (winter, am I right?). I need to get back on it, and continue working towards a weight I'm more comfortable at.

Build up my blog

I want to find my blogging groove again, and eventually restart a new domain. We'll see how my terminal writer's block treats me - I hope I can start making good posts that I'm proud of.

Get a tattoo

This will probably be on my list every year.

Start forging a career

I need to find some purpose, and a job/career that I actually enjoy and want to do. As well as this, I want to continue volunteering with English Heritage for as long as possible, as I love it there.

Save money

I want to be able to do more this year, and of course you need money to do almost everything. I definitely want to go to Heroes & Villains again, so if I at least manage that I'll be happier.

Build up my wardrobe

A lot of my crap self-esteem comes from never looking how I want to look (shallow but true). I want to try to build my wardrobe to include clothes that I love. I'm hoping to get at least one thing every month, money providing. It will feel so much better to have more than just 3 plain tops and leggings.

Read at least 12 books in the year

I did myself proud with reading in 2017, and I want to continue that trend this year. I'm kicking it all off with Fashion on the Ration by Julie Summers.

Do my Yearly Purge

Every year I sort through all of my stuff and get rid of a bunch of things, then rearrange and tidy it all. It's always a really cleansing activity, and it usually happens during the spring (even though it took me months to do in 2017, oops). This year I hope to be super brutal and get rid of tonnes of stuff because I feel claustrophobic.

Pay off my overdraft

It's my only debt - student loans so don't count. If I continue how I'm going currently, it'll be gone by the end of November. I'm pleased with myself for doing the responsible thing and shifting it.

Take better care of myself

This is a general one, but it's very important. I want to keep eating better, staying hydrated, and being kinder to myself. I want to keep up with counselling and physiotherapy as well as persevering with medication. I want to get stronger and become well again.

Go abroad at least once

I highly doubt I'll have the funds for this, but I still want to try. I hope to go to Germany again in the winter, though I haven't decided exactly where yet.

Continue to track habits etc.

I currently track: habits, mood, expenses, depression levels, weight loss, and overdraft payments. I'm very visual, so it's been helpful to see it in front of me. It's also made me think twice about spending too much, which helps.

Continue learning

I really want to pick up hieroglyphics again - I stopped doing them early in 2017 and just didn't have the energy to get back to it. I want to finish the textbook I have on them and practice them more. I also hope to keep up with my German practice, and learn new things - hair and make-up, maybe start drawing again, things like that. I love to learn, so I think it'll be good for my mental health to teach myself more.

Bake regularly

I got back into the swing of baking towards the end of 2017, so I hope to keep on with that. It gives me something to focus on, and I enjoy doing it. This year I'll be able to taste-test chocolate recipes too, which is a bonus.

Get to 6000 followers on twitter

A silly one, as always. But I'm just over 4500, so I want to see if I can break 6k by the end of the year.

FINALLY finish my travel scrapbook

I started the bloody thing in 2014, and I'm still not finished with my summer camp adventures from that year. I have so much stuff I need to put in there, and I'm determined to sort that out!

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I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve, and have a very excellent 2018! What are your goals and wishes for the year?