I am
crap at blogging. I post once every few months
at best, and even then my posts are pretty mediocre and uninteresting. When I think about getting back into it, I just feel like I
have to, and that’s the worst for any kind of inspiration or creativity.
This is a relatively new phenomenon, if you can call the last 3-4 years ‘new’. I used to write all the time, without much thought or censorship. It’s a bit cringey to look back on now, but it had feeling and charm. I wrote a lot of fiction (including fanfic, GET OVER IT), and blogged more or less daily about my little life because things were fun and funny. I don’t know, I guess I thought people gave a crap about what I did that day and my opinions. Ah, the folly of youth. As an adult, though, I find myself feeling more and more insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
I have kept journals, off and on, since I was about 12. Most of them have been burned to cinders or shredded by now (purging the negativity was cathartic af), but I still write in a journal as and when the mood takes me. Most of that is insanely depressing and ranty and not something that would entertain, interest, or inform anybody else. I’m working on including positive and funny things in the journal too and being more realistic about life, but that’s a Work In (Slow) Progress.
So the question I ask myself is: Why do I absolutely suck at blogging now?
I can think of a few reasons, all of which sound like excuses to myself. Maybe putting them out there will make it easier for me to think about and tackle them. Maybe someone will have some advice for me (
hint hint).
There’s nothing going on in my life – everything feels stupid and empty, and I have nothing to comment on or talk about. When something does happen (like Heroes & Villains, or the Harry Potter Studio Tour last year), I will write about it, but my life isn’t interesting enough to make this a regular thing.
Depression and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome don’t help at all. I become uninspired and unmotivated. I also feel like literally no one would care about what I have to say, which is probably mostly true but I’m sure some people might read my waffle. I occasionally write short, short things about my life on my tumblr, stuff that I can’t stretch into a ‘real’ blog, and it gets little response. But writing the stuff down helps, and writing it online makes me feel like I have some kind of outlet where people can hear me.
I’m a lot pickier about my writing and content than I was when I was writing blogs daily. Before, it was a free-for-all, writing about my day and whatever the hell came into my head at the time. But I’m ~grown~ now, and I want people to actually read my writing. I’m not just writing for myself now. It’s hard to come up with ideas when you feel you have to write things of substance all the time.
Putting myself on a schedule has a phenomenally negative effect on my productivity. I just stop functioning! Writing becomes a chore and yet another thing to beat myself up about. I know one of the key features of a successful blog is consistency, and I am not even slightly consistent with anything, really. Maybe I can make it seem like a cute quirk, but I doubt it.
I have no photos of anything anymore (see the ‘nothing happening’ point), and if I do they’re not great quality. All I have to work with is my phone – I would love to have a fancy expensive camera, but at the moment that’s not feasible. I used to take photos constantly and yes, they were crap quality, but they had spirit dammit!
I’m hoping as I recover, and as my life becomes more interesting/fulfilling (lol), I’ll get back to a place where I can write with some regularity and write about interesting things. I do have a knack for writing, but natural talent only gets you so far. Without practice, you stagnate, which I think is what’s happening here. I’m trying my best to start practicing again – writing something, anything, most days. It’s a slow process but I hope that I’ll get back into the groove and that writing will come more easily again, like it used to. Meanwhile, if anyone has any tips or advice for me, I’d love to hear it. Seriously.
I’ll be back again in another few months, probably.
