Poor Health & Macbeth

It's taken me all day to get around to writing this post; I've felt really exhausted and rough all day. My head is killing me too, which doesn't help. I had a really broken sleep last night so - despite actually getting to sleep fairly early - I don't feel rested.

I feel like I'm in pretty poor health at the moment. I went to the doctors on Monday to follow up about my knees (I've heard nothing from the hospital about physiotherapy); turns out it could take anywhere up to four months for them to even get in contact, so I have to wait and see if they'll bother to get in touch before next month. In the meantime, the doctor gave me some physio exercises to do with my knees to hopefully help them a bit. As for the chronic exhaustion that I'm still suffering from, I've since had a full blood test to see if I'm anaemic again, or if anything else has gone haywire. It says a lot that I'm almost hoping that they do find something - at least I'd be able to get treatment and not be sleeping for almost 18 hours a day.

Still unemployed, but I'm continuing to push out applications. It's a long, hard slog but I know I'm not the only graduate in this position (as much as it feels like I am). While I wait for a foot in the door, I'm continuing to take care of myself, body and mind, to learn, and to try to experience things on my limited funds and energy.

I've also started making a conscious effort to be less harsh on myself; I kept making really strict schedules for every day and beating myself up if I didn't get everything done. It was unnecessary stress, and I'm slowly starting to get the hang of being less critical of myself, and trying to remember that I'm not operating at 100% so I need to adjust my expectations to reflect that. It's an uphill struggle because my default reaction is to tell myself I'm useless and a failure, but it has (so far) been worth it. I feel somewhat calmer and more able to actually get things done. It turns out stressing yourself out doesn't really help you get anywhere on your to do list.

On Tuesday, Susie and I went to see Macbeth (the movie, not the play) - it was utterly incredible. The cinematography was just stunning, the acting was heartrending, and by the end of the movie you could've heard a pin drop in that screen room. Everyone was silent and just awed by it. Susie and I took ages to get over how that movie made us feel. I can't even put it into words - my heart was pounding at the end. It was like adrenaline, even though the film wasn't scary. Whatever I was expecting from Macbeth, it was NOT that kind of trauma! Plus, Michael Fassbender is in it, and if that's not an incentive to watch it, I don't know what is. After the movie, we went to Kaspa's for a sundae - we felt we needed sugar after the shock to our systems. I had their very cherry sundae, and a soda float (I'm serious about the needing-sugar thing!). I would watch it again, but I feel like I'd need to really prepare myself emotionally for it.

Wednesday was baking day for me! I made neapolitan cupcakes, which came out really well and tasted beautiful! I was quite pleased with myself, having never attempted a double-layer cupcake like this before. Baking every week is really good for my psyche. It's something to focus on, results in something that everyone can enjoy, and it's therapeutic to do it all by hand. I wish I wasn't an idiot so I could make a business out of it!

On Friday, I got myself a ticket to an exhibition at the Museum of London. Basically, Scotland Yard (headquarters of the Metropolitan Police, who service most of London) have what is referred to colloquially as the 'Black Museum', which is a private collection of evidence from crimes. Historically, it's only ever been open to the police or invited guests, but now they've agreed to have an exhibit of some of the pieces! The exhibit opened yesterday, and I'm going on Wednesday. I'm so excited to see it, and I'll also be a 15-minute Tube ride away from the infamous Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel (where Ronnie Kray shot and killed George Cornell), so I'll probably go and see that as well as Whitechapel itself (where Jack the Ripper played in the 1880's). It's going to be a grisly crime tour of London, and I cannot wait! My coach home isn't until 7:30pm, so I'll have plenty of time after the exhibition to explore.

Finally, I've been getting lots of love on twitter lately, which greatly feeds my need for validation. If you don't already follow me, whoomp here it is. I promise I'm funny sometimes.