Of course, it wasn't all rubbish. I had some great times at Heroes & Villains in May, and the Harry Potter studio tour in July. My family and friends have been endlessly supportive - I couldn't have carried on without them. I've regained some of my interests again - I've been reading and baking a lot more. I started listening to some true-crime podcasts; my favourites are The Vanished, Sword & Scale, and Casefile - give me your recommendations! Last month, I started volunteering with English Heritage as an assistant editor, which has given me purpose and valuable experience. I'm also, for the first time in I-don't-remember, thinking about the future and trying to make an action plan for it.
At the start of the year, I wrote a list of goals for 2017. In this post, I'm just going to have a recap of them and see which ones (if any) I managed to complete, or work towards. I've put the goals in fabulous traffic-light colours: red for completely failed; orange for partially progressed; green for 100% done!
"Get my blog off the ground."
Definitely not. I fully deleted my website in July, because it was just gathering dust and becoming a source of anxiety rather than something I enjoyed doing. I returned to this Blogspot for the time being, which turned out to be a good decision as I've barely written anything. I've been too focused on trying to get my shit back together."Lose 60 pounds."
LOL NO. However, I have lost 25 pounds overall. I stopped thinking or caring about it throughout December, the month of excess - I refuse to deprive myself at Christmas. So I've probably put on a stone or something. Considering this, and the horrible state of my mental health this year, I think I've done ok. I'm taking the slow and steady route, because I don't want to give up anything I enjoy, and that's the only sustainable way to lose weight."Save money for trips/leisure/moving out."
Because I had to quit my job (and it was only part-time, so it didn't pay tonnes anyway), my income has been pitiful this year. But I have managed to put some money into savings - mostly Christmas money, and putting away whatever remains at the end of each month. I won't have enough to do much in the near future, but I'm hoping to keep adding to it bit by bit."Continue to track habits/expenses."
I did this for the whole year. It got annoying at times because I had so many bad days, but it was helpful to see how things started to improve towards the end. I've also added a new thing to my tracking - a mood chart. Every day I plot a point on there corresponding to my mood and, at the end of the month, I can see how much my moods fluctuate and how good or bad things were. I've noticed that the charts are a lot less spiky than when I started, meaning my mood isn't having extreme changes like it was before."Keep up with daily diary."
For the FIRST TIME EVER, I have completed a daily diary. I don't think I'll be doing one in 2018, quite simply because it's a drag. I don't have much to talk about really, and it gets annoying having to write every single day. I don't have the patience or discipline for that. So I might give myself a break in 2018, as a reward for finally finishing a whole diary instead of giving up on it halfway through the year."Continue learning."
This one is orange because I haven't been learning as much as I'd like to. I still haven't picked hieroglyphics back up, but I got back into my daily German practice. I've also been reading a lot about all sorts of subjects (particularly morbid ones), so I've gained lots of useless but interesting knowledge. I'm happiest when I learn new things, so this has helped me somewhat."Get at least one new tattoo."
Nein. Sad face. I simply didn't have the money."Read at least one book a month."
Not only did I manage one book a month, I actually ended up reading 21 books! Nearly two years' worth, if you go by the one-a-month thing. Some of them were re-reads, but I'm still pleased that I managed to get through so many. I love to read, and getting my love for it back was such a gift this year. Here's a list of the books I read because I know you're all dying to find out:Please, please, please recommend me some books for next year! I read literally everything, fiction or non-fiction. My favourite categories are: thriller, horror, true crime, medical (particularly neurology and psychology), anything to do with death and forensics, and history.
"Keep up with hydration and eating properly."
Though I have good days and bad days (who doesn't?), I will say that I've gotten to a good place with this. I'm staying hydrated without over-hydrating, which I was doing for a while, and I don't overeat or snack all the time. As I said in the weight loss bit above, I'm not trying to eat super healthily or be on a diet. I still want to enjoy food, but I want to draw the line and not overeat."Hit 5000 followers on Twitter."
This was a bit of a silly one, but I adore twitter and how awful I am on there. I didn't hit 5k, but I did pass 4,500 which isn't bad at all. If you're not already following, go do that."Bake regularly."
I'm not saying this was a fully-completed goal, as I stopped baking for a long time after last year's Christmas bake madness. I baked 14 recipes in 14 days, while working, and it burned me out. Then I just wasn't in the mood to make the effort. Autumn and Halloween breathed new life into me, however, and since then I've been baking somewhat regularly. And, even better, I'm actually enjoying it again."Move to London."
Well, we all knew this was never going to happen. It's still a pipe-dream unfortunately. I would love to move to London, because that's where most of the opportunities for my industry are, and I love the city/hate my hometown. I doubt I'll keep this for my 2018 list; I'm realistic enough to know it won't happen."Do yoga every evening."
Definitely not. I just had no interest in yoga, except for the Corpse Pose. I did start physiotherapy, though, and a couple of my exercises that I will be starting in the new year include yoga poses to help loosen up my stupidly tight muscles and ease my knee pain (hopefully)."Take care of my nails."
I've had far too much anxiety this year, so dermatillomania has reared its ugly head. My nails will grow to a cute length, then I'll pick them or they just snap because they're really brittle. As for my cuticles and skin around my nails, they are casualties to the picking (as well as my lips - chapped forever). I've been doing it less as I've started to recover, so hopefully I can get this under control."Spend less frivolously."
When I left my job, I started taking this one seriously. I didn't have as much money coming in, and I was keeping an eye on my expenses. I'd also been told I had 15 months to pay back my £1500 overdraft from university. So most of my money has been going on that and bills. I think hard before I buy anything (leading to a bit of a breakdown over shampoo, which I needed). It's been good and bad. But the small amount of savings I've gathered wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't monitored my spending."Give up chocolate for the whole year."
I actually managed to do it! Despite how terrible I felt, when a bit of chocolate would've been a godsend, I went the entirety of 2017 without a smidge of it! The biggest challenges were Easter, when I baked with chocolate (had to resist the urge to taste-test), and of course Christmas. I'm so excited to have some chocolate as soon as Big Ben finishes his BONGs at midnight!I've made a list of goals for 2018 - some of them are the same or similar to these, but there are also new ones. I'm trying to be a bit more realistic about it and kinder to myself. I'm going into 2018 with a very tentative positivity - I really hope that this is the year I can turn things around and start getting on with my life.
