Sunday 23 October 2016

Two Weeks Later

I've been so focused on being organised and productive that I haven't written a blog for two weeks. I have, however, been keeping some rough notes of what to write here today. I will allow myself to feel okay about not posting - as I said in my previous post, I'm trying to be nicer to myself. I'm doing pretty well with it, and I find I'm feeling a lot calmer for it. This may seem totally obvious to most people, but being a pessimist with zero self-esteem hinders one's ability to be compassionate toward oneself. The way I'm re-calibrating my knee-jerk thoughts of you're rubbish at everything and also useless, is to think about what I would say to a friend who was feeling this way. I would never speak to a friend how I speak to myself, and really... If you can't be your own friend, you tend to get into a vicious cycle of self-blame and punishment. Not productive at all. Anyway, here are the highlights of the past two weeks!

Again in my previous post, I mentioned that I'd finally started to learn hieroglyphics from this book:


I've been trying to look at the book a few times a week, and make notes on what I'm reading. I do a couple of sections at a time to absorb the information effectively. I'm absolutely crap at drawing the symbols, so no ancient Pharaoh would be able to read my hieroglyphs, but it's super interesting and exciting to learn. Obviously the book is for total beginners, so it teaches you enough to unscramble the meanings of famous stelas and monuments. It would be cool to take it further when I'm done, or even learn it 'officially' if I can find a course.

Last Saturday was a busy, but lovely, day. In the afternoon, I went with Mum and Martin to meet Liam, Ashleigh, and Ethan at the Marlborough Mop. The Mop is a fair in the High Street of Marlborough that started out as a job-seeking fair in 1204. Obviously it's changed a lot from 812 years ago - now it's just a standard semi-rural fair with carnival rides and stalls, but it still attracts lots of visitors. We had a nice time strolling around and watching the rides. I was brave enough to carry Ethan on my shoulders for a while, and it was so cute to listen to him chuckling away as I danced him down the street. Liam took him on a little hot air balloon-themed ride, and Ashleigh showed him the Hall of Mirrors. He seemed to have a good time, and was tottering around everywhere taking in all the sights. Martin won him a ball from the Hook A Duck game, which Ethan was pleased with.




Later on Saturday evening, I went to the reception of Leanne's wedding. I debuted a new lipstick that I got aaaaages ago ('Smother' by Sleek - it's a lovely dark pinky-purple colour, and I fell in love with it instantly), and I actually looked super cute for the first time in forever.


The wedding was adorable. They'd decorated it all in autumn colours - Leanne's bouquet was orange and purple, as were the flowers on the centrepieces. Even the confetti on the tables were red/orange/brown and in the shape of leaves. All of the signs were chalkboards in shabby-chic white frames, and there was a table with pick'n'mix sweets spilling out of teacups and apothecary jars.



Aishah and Natalie also came to the wedding, which was exciting! I hadn't seen either of them for ages (Aishah never has a shift at the same time as me, and Natalie has left to go to university), and it was nice to hang out with them and have a chatter. Here we are with the lovely bride, right before the first dance:


The first dance was lovely. Leanne and Lee smiled and laughed all the way through and looked so happy - Natalie was immediately tearing up, as I predicted. I was laughing because Leanne had discarded her wedding heels and was wearing a little pair of Vans sneakers. Only she could pull that off at her wedding. I took this cute photo of their feet as they danced, because of said sneakers.


They had such great food in the buffet, and a brilliant live band. There was also a photobooth where you could put on props and take silly photos. Aishah, Natalie and I tried this out and took some pretty terrible photos (we kept forgetting to wait for the flash and moving at the last second).


It was a nice evening, and I'm glad I decided to go out. I love weddings anyway, they're always so much fun and a lovely atmosphere. Last Sunday I was useless all day, though, because of how busy the previous day had been.

On Wednesday (skipping far ahead here, because there's not been lots going on besides working and organising) I helped Mum with Ethan as she had tonnes of stuff to get sorted out before her, Martin and Ryan left for Australia. I took him to the park and we took some cute selfies....


He was in a really good mood all day, really giggly and playful. At lunch time, he kept trying to offer his food to Sirius who had come out of his house at the smell of food. Then he was holding the lid of his lunchbox over his face and peeking out around it, playing Peepo with me. Every time I said "Peepo!" or "Boo!" he would laugh so hard. He also laughed every time I even looked at him. It really cheered me up to spend time with him and Mum, it was another busy day but it was nice and put me in a good mood.

I mentioned Australia before. Mum, Martin, Nan and Ryan left on Thursday so I have the house to myself for a month. It's weird and quiet, but I'm quite enjoying feeling like a Real Adult. Continuing my mad organisation skills, I'm drawing up meal plans for the weeks to come. This is also to make sure I eat properly too, can't be going back to the terrible uni diet. Because I'm being organised and being more mindful of everything I do (including eating, hydration and exercise), I have lost 4 pounds in the last couple of weeks. Not much, but it's a start. I'm hoping I can continue steadily losing weight as I get used to my new routine and adding more activity to my schedule. I'm feeling weirdly positive about all of this, I think because I'm a very visual person and having my charts and lists in front of me in order to actually see progress is so helpful.

Today, I tidied and cleaned the house despite being incredibly tired and achy. I'm counting that as a little win too.

Friday 14 October 2016

Organising Life

I've been feeling terrible for most of this year; not as much as last year, but still enough for it to be affecting me negatively. I've been depressed and increasingly anxious, and the exhaustion that has plagued me for almost three years has exacerbated that, as well as messing with my life in general. I have to be proactive about this, and I'm done lying around and wallowing. I don't know how long this new burst of motivation will last (knowing my track record, not very long), but while it's here I'm going to try to make some new habits, and break some old ones. It already seems to be working and I only really started four days ago.

I took some inspiration from the concept of 'bullet journalling'. Here is a website all about it, from the guy who made the whole thing up. It's apparently taking the world by storm, and people are loving their bullet journals. Basically, your journal becomes a combination of everything - scrapbook, diary, planner, idea jotter, sketchbook, etc. It's an organised but creative way to journal, and some people's creations are absolutely stunning. Check it out on Pinterest to see what I mean! I'm not exactly rigidly following the bullet journal thing, because a) I would get too annoyed if I couldn't get my pages looking how I wanted (which is my main struggle with scrapbooking!), and b) I'm not nearly good enough at art/handwriting to make a gorgeous journal that is also a work of art.

Instead, I've just taken some of the elements of it and started incorporating it into my bog-standard, write-all-your-thoughts-messily-and-maniacally journal. I've mostly borrowed the idea of charting various parts of my life, to track habits and behaviours. I also wrote down a bunch of list subjects and page ideas to add to my journal. I'm practicing drawing nice fonts, which I'm not fabulous at yet, but hope to improve. I already have a weekly desk pad to write a schedule on, so I'm not making any fancy bullet journal week spreads yet. Who knows, though. I might start.

So, my organising bug has manifested in the following ways so far:
  • Charts like the one below, which is a 'habit tracker' - you write down things you want to make a habit of (or stop doing) and you colour in every day you've achieved those things. It's good because I'm now more aware of what I'm doing with my time, and actively trying to refrain from continuing bad habits. Next month I may expand on the habits - I'm considering starting bedtime yoga again, as it's good for my achy muscles. My chart may seem like there are a lot of gaps, but (leaving aside the fact that everything up to October 10th isn't filled in, because there's no point trying to remember what you did/felt on previous days) some of the items on there - like my hieroglyphics practice and going for a walk - aren't things I want to do every day. I have to make sure I'm not pushing myself too much, as I have limited energy and mustn't make things harder for myself by becoming exhausted.

    Casual Iwako panda holding the page down for me.

  • I'm also tracking my mood and my symptoms. I find this interesting, as I may be able to spot patterns/potential triggers for any of my conditions. It's also just a good way to see how I'm doing, in general, and remembering that not every day is terrible.

  • A weight-loss tracker (I'm not happy to share my current weight because it gives me the blues), and I think it will be helpful because I have my goals in front of me, and every time I lose a few pounds, I get to colour in a square and actually see what I've achieved, as it's not often noticeable in the mirror until you've lost a lot. I'm also considering a savings tracker, as I have a few things to save for like: my London work experience; going to the Heroes & Villains fest (and meeting Robin!!) in May; and if I ever want a holiday abroad ever again.

  • Writing down all of the things I'd like to learn/study, so that - when I'm done with my beginners' hieroglyphics - I can begin to tackle other things. I think learning is so incredibly important, and continuing to have wonder and curiosity no matter your age is really positive. I'm at my happiest when I learn or experience something new, so I feel like I need to reintroduce learning into my life.

  • Many, many lists on many, many subjects. Just a few examples are: the books I've read in 2016 (which I will probably post here at the end of year); an 'any time' list - basically a to do list, but with items that don't have a particular deadline, just 'as soon as possible', basically; a checklist for my pending blog overhaul; etc. I'm thinking of doing some fun lists too, like my favourite books or fictional characters.

  • Moving away from the journalling thing, I've also been researching M.E. and Fibromyalgia in order to understand more about both conditions (as I still don't have a solid diagnosis, obviously) and how I can help myself to feel better, as well as what kind of treatment options I would have. As far as I can tell, it's mostly a management of symptoms, as there's no cure or magic pill for either of them. Pain management and learning to use your energy more sparingly/efficiently are the keys to living with M.E. or Fibro, and I feel I'm on a more solid foundation now that I've read various papers on the subject.

  • I've also, after being begged by Susie and my mother, got an appointment with the doctor on October 21st, to talk about everything that's been happening with me lately, to expand on the appointment I had in Bath (also to get a bit of clarification), and discuss possible med changes and seek any advice she might have for me.
Weirdly enough, I'm more organised and more productive now that I'm making a conscious effort not to beat myself up if I don't get a day's 'to do' list done. I'm trying to be more mindful, and kinder to myself. I've been so mean to me for so long, I need to start treating myself a bit better. And it's clearly helping, because this week I've noticed that the things I don't get done tend to get done a day or two after, if I don't do it on the day I picked. Obviously things like work, appointments, and deadlines aren't included in this new easygoing attitude, as they're actually fixed and important. It's more like - if I don't do my studying today, I will do it tomorrow, or the day after, and that's okay. I'm liking this way of thinking a lot more. Instead of berating myself for being 'lazy' or 'useless', I'm trying to say 'ok you were tired, you didn't get around to it, you got busy with something else - you can do it when you have more energy, don't worry'.

Doing all of this mad organisation stuff has resulted in a pretty substantial blog post here, which hasn't happened for a while! It also means that I'm remembering to take medication, staying hydrated, reading every day, getting outside for fresh air/exercise, and trying not to nap during the day. I also finally started studying hieroglyphs, so I'm hoping this new ~organised~ me will continue to finish things that I've started. Like my travel scrapbook that I've touched once since I meant to start it in 2014. Or my BLOG OVERHAUL that I've been talking about on here for bloody months. I am, as I type, coming up with a mental checklist (that I'll write in my journal!) of what I need to do for my blog overhaul, and I will do it bits at a time instead of stressing myself trying to do the whole lot in one day. I'm hoping that'll kickstart my drive to finish it. So if things start a look a little weird on here, it's just me messing around with the blog and trying to make it into something that interests me again.

If you got through this whole post, well done and thank you for taking an interest. I'm actually feeling positive about these new things, and I hope I will stick to these new organisational ways and become more productive, less tired, and just happier.

Monday 10 October 2016

Dead Tired, Part 2

I went to Bath, to attend my appointment at what is probably the poshest hospital I've ever been to. The hospital is a grade-II listed building, and a group tour was being educated on the building's previous uses while they gawked at the lovely architecture, right next to the front door that I had to get through. Which was quite awkward.


The doctor thinks I have features of both M.E. and fibromyalgia. They're both very similar syndromes so it's quite hard to pinpoint which one it could be, or if it's some nightmare combination of the two. I've been offered a place in a support group starting next month, which I highly doubt I can afford to get to for six weeks. So I'm researching help that's a bit closer to home, as well as self-help and just more general information on both of the conditions. I don't really know what my next step will be, I think gathering information is the main priority.

As you can probably tell, there's not a lot to talk about. I've been either working or in an exhausted stupor, but I'm hoping to become a bit more productive soon (this is doubtful, but I can hope).

Monday 5 September 2016

Susie's Graduation & A Rainy Day In London

Friday was Susie's graduation day in Oxford. I wore a black wrap dress that actually looked really flattering on me, which makes a damn change. Here's Susie and I looking, I have to say, pretty fabulous on the way to campus:


The weather sucked, but I really enjoyed the ceremony. There were some nice speeches, and it was interesting to see it from the audience perspective (it's very different when you're the one graduating - you don't take much in until afterwards because you're too nervy and excited). I'm so proud of Susie getting her BSc in Adult Nursing - this is her second degree, which is just insane, and she's done so well.

Because I'd already gotten a coach ticket for London, and I didn't want it to go to waste, I amended my return ticket and spent the day in the city on Saturday. My first port of call was an Italian gelato shop in Soho that Susie had recommended to me the day before. It's called Gelupo, and I had a little cup of their berry sherbert flavour. It was delicious, so that was a good shout on Susie's part. Also, it looked totally cute.


I must confess that I had a bit of a shopping spree/retail therapy while I was in London. Now it's out of my system and I must begin saving. I went to the ARTBOX store, with it's adorable TofuCute concession, where I got a few bits and pieces and spent ages looking at all the cute stuff. I went to Cyberdog in Camden and I also visited Oxford Street, where I had a browse in the Topshop flagship.

I was going to have dinner in my favourite Wetherspoons, The Lord Moon of the Mall, located near Trafalgar Square and, strangely enough, The Mall (the long road to Buckingham Palace). But it began slapping down with rain, and the place was packed with people escaping the downpour. It didn't look like a table would ever free up, so I braved the rain and went back over to Piccadilly Circus, where I sheltered in an Ed's Diner and had burger and chips. Delicious! I was soaked through and freezing, but feeling pretty good.

Ended up having to wait two hours for my coach, because I couldn't be bothered to do anything else, and took shelter in the Victoria coach station. The journey was annoying because I had a seat kicker (of course - that always happens to me), and someone on there had absolutely horrific body odour. I didn't get home until after midnight, and I'm glad my taxi was at the station when the coach pulled in because there was some drugged-up chav in a balaclava shouting illegibly. I didn't much fancy being stabbed to death. Anyway, here's my little haul from shopping in London:

Shark, rainbow, and space socks; Puccho sweets; milk carton Iwako eraser; a book on Anatomy; strawberry Pocky; fat hamster stickers; Pusheen notebook with my life philosophy on it; a Tofu Cute panda badge.
Not pictured, because they haven't come off me since I got home, are the super comfortable joggers/lounge pants that I got from Topshop. My Batman leggings are pretty worse for wear, so I needed new loungewear (as I do spend about 95% of my life in pyjamas).


I heard from the Rheumatology Hospital in Bath about my maybe-ME. They've given me an appointment in October. I'm surprised at how quickly they got back to me, and how soon the appointment is. I have to fill out a pretty giant questionnaire to take with me, but I'm hoping this is the next step to getting answers and sorting things out.



P.S. Ashleigh accidentally left the freezer unlocked and caught Ethan munching on frozen Yorkshire puddings. Is there anything that child won't eat??

Monday 15 August 2016

Dead Tired

I've had concerns for some time now that I may be suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, also known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME). My day-to-day life has been increasingly difficult over the last two years or so, and lately I've been feeling worse and worse every day. It's at the point now where popping out to the shops or putting out laundry is physically exhausting. If I'm not at work, 90% of the time I'm in bed. Not even sleeping, just in bed because I'm too tired to do anything. It's affecting my work life negatively too - I had to miss my shift on Saturday, and - when I am at work - I feel that my performance isn't anywhere near 100%. I've been feeling incredibly miserable because of it, and a bit like life isn't really worth it. What kind of life is it when you simply can't do the smallest things?

In the two years since the onset of the particular symptoms that led me to suspect CFS, I have taken any and all medical advice and treatment in order to rule out other possibilities. We've ruled out depression, as I've been depressed for many years and these new symptoms were only a recent manifestation (if 2014 is recent). My thyroid is fine, and - though I've previously suffered from anaemia and low iron - I've recently been treated with iron and my levels are normal again, with no change in exhaustion. My lifestyle now is better than it's ever been: I've cut down on sugar and caffeine; I eat way more fruit and veg than I used to, and eat home-cooked meals every day; I hardly drink alcohol any more and when I do it isn't to excess; I drink at least 1.5 litres of water every day. I've had anti-depressants, SSRIs, benzodiazepines, and CBT. I've tried practicing sleep hygiene, mindfulness, and yoga. Nothing has helped.

I went to the doctor today and told her all about the symptoms, what it has done/is doing to my life, everything I've tried and ruled out, and my own fears about it being CFS. She immediately said she's going to refer me to a CFS specialist; I didn't think I'd be taken too seriously but she was really on board, and I appreciate it so much. I have to have a virology blood screening tomorrow, just as a requirement for the place (doctor's sure nothing will come up, because what virus lasts for two years undetected?), and then she'll send off all of my bloodwork and a letter of referral. Hopefully I'll be hearing from them soon. I feel happier already knowing that I've gotten the ball rolling on either diagnosing me, or ruling out another possibility. I slightly lament the fact that I really should have seen somebody earlier, but I know they're very insistent on ruling out other possibilities before investigating for CFS, so on the other hand I'm glad I've tried other diagnoses and treatment.

***

I'm also planning a major overhaul of this blog. I don't know when it'll happen, but now that I've written it on here I feel obligated to get it done. I'm going to be updating the template and all of my pages, changing colours and fonts, and just generally tweaking it a bunch. I feel like this blog's a bit stale and I need to revamp it. The planning is going quite nicely but we all know that planning and executing are two very different things (especially if you take the word 'execute' literally!).

Wednesday 13 April 2016

Blood, Birthday & Bristol

Once again I've gone over two weeks without updating this blog. God, no wonder I never get anything done - I can't even stick to a weekly post! Quite a few things have happened since my last post.

I'll start at March 31st. I went to donate blood again, for the first time in quite a while. I didn't realise until I received an updated donor card in the mail that that was my fifth donation! I've successfully given about half a human body's worth of blood. I'm also reassured that my iron levels are healthy, or they wouldn't have let me donate.

I found out the next day that I had lost four pounds in two weeks. I am still slightly suspicious of the scales, seeing as I weighed myself on April Fool's, so it was probably lying. But I'm pretty pleased with myself considering I wasn't trying especially hard to lose anything. I think getting back to drinking plenty of water, eating three meals, sleeping better, and moving around more is paying off all by itself. Imagine what a little effort on my part could do.

On April 6th, I had a mini birthday with my Dad. We went to Costa for lunch (where I tried the mango & passionfruit cooler - delicious!) and while we were in town, I got some more hair dye too. My roots are ridiculous, and I'm hoping Kim can come cut my hair soon so I can not look like Stig of the Dump. I saw my Nan for a while, which was nice as I've not seen her for ages. Then Dad, Kath and I had pizza and chips from the kebab shop and it was glorious. They gave me my presents and some birthday money (as well as the Easter eggs Dad forgot to give me the week before). I got a fancy handmade wine glass, a bottle of wine, Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee, and a few other cute bits and pieces. The birthday high began at this point.

My birthday was brilliant too. I was woken up by Ryan before he went to work and he gave me my present from him - an apron with a zombie in a chef's hat on it and the words 'The Baking Dead'. It's so funny and it will accompany me on my baking adventures. I got some nice presents from Mum and Martin, as well as a bunch more birthday money from various relatives. Mum and I went to get Caz (where I got a few more presents from Kate, Caz, and Susie!) and we went to Frankie & Benny's for lunch. I was disappointed in how downhill our branch of it has gone. The cutlery was filthy, service was sluggish, and it just wasn't as good as it used to be. I was gutted, because I hadn't been for ages and was really looking forward to it. Later, I was so full that I just slobbed around on my bed for the rest of the afternoon. In the evening, Mum and I had a few drinks.

Also, Mum got me a Star Wars cake:


Saturday was brilliant. Susie and I went to Bristol; on the train there, we decided to have a flutter on the Grand National and bet on a few horses in the race later that day. It was raining when we got there, which sucked, so we holed up in Patisserie Valerie. I had a hot chocolate and a slice of Black Forest gateau. Heaven! It took us some time to get going again because we were in sugar comas.


We took a turn around a few clothes shops, but of course I found nothing that I liked enough to buy. That's always the way when I have birthday money or similar; I want everything until I have the money to spend, and then everything is awful. We then walked down to our favourite chip shop in Bristol, Catch-22, and had the best chips and curry sauce. Out of the window, we could see the Marriott where a wedding party was having photos taken; the bride looked so pretty and the happiness was contagious. I love weddings.

The weather was still crap, so we went to the Watershed, an indie cinema near the waterfront. We watched High Rise, and it was brilliant! So funny and incredibly surreal. Tom Hiddleston was brilliant, and absolutely gorgeous, and the movie also contains one of my ultimate old-man crushes, Jeremy Irons. Susie and I were laughing about the movie for the rest of the day. I would recommend you go see it if you enjoy sex, violence, and surreal movies that serve as a metaphor for one man's nervous breakdown, and how easily society could collapse if we let it. So good!

We had a cocktail in the McKenzie's at Bristol, which we were not impressed with. Susie's Cosmo was warm, the service took ages, and the 2-for-1 offer suddenly didn't apply to anything except for one drink. It was frustrating, and I can't believe I've found a business that's better in Swindon than Bristol, but our McKenzie's is so much better. Another reason our visit there was crap was because I live streamed updates on the Guardian website to keep up with the Grand National and one of the horses we bet on came second. How annoying is that?? We were pretty gutted because we could have gotten a decent bit of money - our horse's odds were 12/1.

The Bootlegger was our next stop. We had a couple of drinks there, and Susie's friend Andy joined us. He's a misanthropic PhD student and he's lovely. He was a good addition to our little group. We went to another pub down the road, that I don't remember the name of. It had taxidermy everywhere, and was lively and crowded. I enjoyed it. We had some drinks there, before we had to get going for the train home. We stopped at Sainsbury's to grab a bit of food and mini bottles of Prosecco for the journey. Yes, we drank it on the train like chavs.


Back in Swindon, we decided the night wasn't quite over, and went to McKenzie's. Several frozen daiquiris later, we were exhausted and ready to get to bed. So I got a cab home and promptly passed out in bed. I had such a good time in Bristol, and I'm glad the weather cleared up a bit towards the evening (when we came out from the cinema the sun was shining and most of the clouds had gone). However, this past week I've eaten mostly crap, and I'm totally feeling it. I feel physically rough and incredibly tired - I need to get back to eating normally and drinking plenty of water. It's quite amazing how you notice how much junk food affects your body if you cut down on it for a while.

I've been coughing and spluttering since last Tuesday, which is just fab because I've only just gotten over the crap virus I had after getting back from Berlin. I keep needing to clear my throat and it's annoying me so much. I almost had no voice at work on Tuesday and Friday. Speaking of work, tomorrow my probation period ends! Wahoo!

I am totally in love with Tofu Cute, a UK-based store that imports and sells all sorts of Japanese products. I got a package that I ordered (I got a box of strawberry Pocky, a pen with a lucky cat, and a pen that looks like a milk bottle and has erasable gel) the other day and it's so cute! I have an extensive wishlist on there, and I'm having to be really disciplined because I'll buy everything if I don't watch myself. It's all so cute!

Monday 28 March 2016

A Stab in the Knee

I've been preoccupied with my ridiculous knees this week. On Tuesday I went back to the hospital to have them looked at again. The doctor decided to give me a cortisone injection in my left knee (the worse one of the two); I agreed because anything that might help me not be in pain is fine by me. Basically this big ol' needle gets poked under your kneecap and injects into the joint; the cortisone is a steroid-based anti-inflammatory that's supposed to help soothe pain. It was the most traumatising thing ever. I'm cool with needles and injections, but having one in the joint was the grossest feeling, and it hurt. It's not a permanent fix, but it's all they can really do. It turns out that my cartilage is soft and rough because of my hyper-flexible joints (I can bend them backwards slightly, it's really creepy), so basically my own body has screwed up my knees. Rad! Here's a photo of me looking miserable before the doctor returned with the biggest needle I've ever seen:


My knee felt so weird for days, like it was hollow and full of liquid. I had some pretty crap side effects, especially when I defied doctor's orders to rest and went to work on Thursday. I kept flushing (my cheeks went red, and my face was really hot), so much so that my boss actually sent me out back to sit down and have some water. My knee was killing me after standing on it for hours, and swelled up. I also had some pretty bad chest pains, which wasn't worrying at all (lie). I'm feeling much better now, but my knee is still hurting on and off. When it doesn't hurt though, it's bliss. My knees have been paining me since I was 15, I can't remember what not being in pain feels like. It's bloody weird.

On Wednesday, I baked some Easter nest cakes to take to work on Thursday. They've gotten positive reviews so far, so I'm happy with that. They were delicious, if I may say so myself! Mum has gotten me some Mary Berry books as an early birthday present, and I'm currently perusing those to decide what to bake next!


On the most adorable nephew front, Ethan has figured out how to get onto his hands and knees, and is beginning to learn how to shuffle forward (he could only shuffle backwards before). So he'll soon be crawling around, and his parents better watch out! I can't believe how fast he's growing - he's over 8 months old already. Here's a gorgeous photo of him looking very pleased with himself:


I've also finally made a start on the travel scrapbook I bought after my two months in America, in 2014. Yes, it's taken me this long to be bothered to do it. My problem is that I want the scrapbook to look as beautiful as all the ones I see online, but I know I'm not talented enough to make it that way (and I can't afford all the materials/equipment). So I end up putting it off because I don't want to spoil it by actually doing it. Does that make sense? I'm sure most of you understand unless you're ridiculously creative, in which case I hate you a bit.


Today, I also started my Yearly Purge. I only did a little bit, but today is the official beginning of the Purge, and I will do a little every time I have a moment/the motivation. I sorted out my toiletries hamper, first aid box, and expanding file for all my documents. I plan to be ridiculously brutal this year, get rid of everything that I don't need or will never use/wear.

It's 10 days until my 24th birthday. I can't believe how quickly that's come around this year. 2016 is flying by with horrifying vigour. I have embryonic plans to go to London and stay at Lana's for a weekend, a Bristol trip with Susie, and I'm planning to ask Mum and Caz if they want to do lunch/dinner/something with me around my birthday. It's gonna be gooood.


P.S. My Iwako collection has grown - I now also have a hamster, panda, and pig:

Tuesday 8 March 2016

Post Berlin

Tomorrow, it will have been three weeks since I came back from Germany, and I can't believe how quickly that time has gone. I was struck down with the lurgy pretty much as soon as I came back; I don't know what it was but I've never had such a horrible, aggressive virus. I managed to do my first shift back at work but was then bedridden for three days. I'm still not completely right now, it's insane.

We all got a payrise at work, so that was a nice turn up for the books. Aside from working I've done a few things, and caught up with people. I saw Ashleigh and Ethan a couple of weeks ago; Ethan is sooo heavy now, and just a darling as always. He's good at leaning forward and grabbing things now, and he had a good play with my phone (by 'play' I mean sticking my phone in his mouth and dropping it on the floor). Liam and Ashleigh recently did another photoshoot with them and Ethan and here is my favourite one of my lovely nephew - isn't he just flawless???


Susie and I went out for a dessert date and a catch-up. We delighted over Leo Dicaprio finally getting the Oscar he's deserved for years, talked about how crazy Tom Hardy looks, and updated each other on our lives and happenings. It was so good to see her, as I hadn't for literally 5 weeks, and that is unacceptable. We plan to go to the cinema at some point to watch Hail Caesar, and we're also going to go out for Prosecco and giggles. We still need to plan going back to Bristol, which I'm hoping to do around my birthday (which is suddenly only a month away, what the hell??).

On Saturday I got Mum some flowers and baked her a cake. I was also loving life when I popped to Asda for ingredients because they have 8-packs of Pepsi Max Cherry on offer for £2 - NICE.

On Mother's Day, I also gave Mum a box of chocolates and a cute card, and Nan came over because Mum was cooking lunch for her. We had a prawn cocktail starter, macaroni cheese with bacon and leek, and trifle - it was absolutely delicious, and the Prosecco and wine flowed. We also tried the cake I had made, and it was divine if I do say so myself.


I also helped Nan to print, sort, and file a bunch of her legal documents etc and she gave me £20 for doing it, which is really sweet of her. I would've done it for free, but she felt I deserved to have an incentive because it was 'boring' (her words, I quite like organising documents - which is weird, I know, but it's strangely therapeutic).

Today, I'm taking Mum to Ed's Diner for lunch as another Mother's Day treat because I lurve her, and Ed's is our favourite place ever. I'm so ready for some cheesy fries!

I have decided that I must make some kind of plans for my birthday - I'm tired of never doing anything fun for it. And I'm beginning to think about my Yearly Purge. Basically, every year since 2011, I've spent a good week or so completely gutting my room, sorting through everything and chucking stuff out, rearranging, reorganising, etc. It's long and sometimes tedious, but at the end of it, I have decluttered and my room is tidy, and it really is very good for one's mind to have a tidy space. I will probably start doing that after my birthday/towards the beginning of summer. That's when the Yearly Purge usually happens, and I find I have a lot more energy and motivation when there's more daylight (I mean, who doesn't?).

Just a last note on something ridiculous that I bought because I found it cute - this Iwako eraser that we've been selling with our Easter products at work. You can even take the chick out of the eggshell and I simply had to have one. I'm a sucker for cute stationery. Iwako also do a hamster eraser, and I am determined to get that too.




P.S. Bonus Sirius (eating cupcake crumbs):


Wednesday 17 February 2016

Berlin - Going Home

01:33, walking down Weinmeisterstraße
   
I'm walking back to the hostel with a huge Dildo King poster in my handbag that says "Love me Ständer" (Ständer means erect penis, which is crude and disgusting and simply lovely) that Sou ripped off of a bridge for me as a souvenir.

Seeing Sou tonight was nice; we had a bloody laugh again and discovered a cute bar called Volksbar. The decor was really comfy and cushty, like an old attic/living room, and I instantly loved it.


I introduced Sou to the wonders of frozen strawberry daiquiris and vodka cranberry, I taught her more amazing British slang, and she said the best thing in relation to the old actors we fancy: "...Because good men are like good architecture - disgusting, horrible, and OLD." I honestly thought I was going to die from laughing so hard, because it's so damn true. I really love spending time with Sou and I'm so going to miss her when I go home. We took some really attractive selfies, and I took a photo of her inside a 'gay tunnel' we found:



I'm feeling pretty glum because I have to go back to England tomorrow, and I won't really have time to do anything tomorrow (also I can't be bothered to drag my stupid suitcase all over the city). I just want to stay here forever and live irresponsibly for my whole life.

14:21, Tegel Airport
   
It's just over three and a half hours until my flight leaves, which sucks. Getting here was a pain in the ass, but only because of my luggage and broken inner compass.

I've been to the souvenir shop and gotten a few bits and pieces. I got Ryan a statue of the Brandenburg Tor, a magnet and shot glass for Mum and Martin, and I bought myself a genuine chip from the Berlin Wall suspended in acrylic. I also got a tin of breath mints, not because of the mints, but because the tin has Berlin written on it with a silhouette of the city skyline. I plan to use it for painkillers when the mints are gone.

This airport is tiny and I'm so bored already.

18:09, somewhere over the Netherlands

Weirdly enough, as I was queuing to check my suitcase, I found myself in front of two boys from Swindon! What are the bloody chances? Of all the shit towns in England, they were from my shit town. They were gay and hilarious and we had some excellent chat before getting onto the flight. I love chance meetings and small-world moments! At the moment I can see cities out of the window because we're flying fairly low (I don't know why) and I finally got a window seat for once.

Horrible blurry phone picture out of the window.
We had the same wrap as I had on the way to Germany as a snack, and it was just as delicious as last time. I've also been coughing for a while now, but I think that's just the horrid dry air in here.

20:22, Heathrow main bus station
   
I am stuck here for two and a half hours. I tried to grab an earlier coach but it was full, which never happens and was super annoying. It's so cold in here, and there was just a lunatic yelling racial slurs at people. It was scary. God, I love being brought back to earth with a bang. By the time I get back home it'll be gone midnight, and I'm already exhausted and dehydrated. Also I feel like the coughing has gotten worse, but maybe I'm just being coated in London smog and I'm not used to it. I'm so glad for my portable charger or my phone would've given up the ghost on the plane and then I'd be really stuck because Mum is going to be picking me up from the coach stop when I get home.

Tuesday 16 February 2016

Berlin - Final Day

14:38, on the 200 bus to Tiergarten

The first thing I visited this morning was the Topographie des Terrors. It's a museum that documents the Nazis rise to power, the different factions of the Nazi army, the camps, what happened throughout WW2, the liberation of the concentration camps and subsequent war crime trials. It was really interesting, but heavy (of course). Wasn't impressed with what looked like school-aged kids giggling around the place, though. Pretty disrespectful. There was also a photography exhibit on the Polish ghettos, which was a great illustration of the difficulties of life in the ghettos, and how the people strived to keep things as normal as possible within those communities. Pretty moving stuff.

I went over to Sea Life next, because I figured it would be light relief from the very serious place I had just visited. It was a nice little place, and walking around looking at the fish was really calming. There was this mirror maze thing at the end before the gift shop, and I've never been so messed up in my life. It took me forever to get through the thing because I was so scared of walking into the bloody mirrors. I emerged into the gift shop, blinking stupidly because my head was swimming. In the gift shop I bought a keyring with a tiny shark plush on it, and it's the cutest ever.



Photographed with a glass just to show how small it is.
There's a bit after the gift shop called the AquaDOM, which is basically a gigantic cylinder full of water with over 100 species of fish in it. You can go up in the middle of it in an elevator and see everything and it's really good! It was like being in the ocean without getting wet and without scary things like jellyfish interfering with you. It was really cool!




I needed some lunch at that point, and found a place across the road from Sea Life called Kantine Deluxe. It's exactly how it sounds - it looks like a bougie canteen. You order on a tablet and then collect your food from the open kitchen. It was really nice in there. I had seasoned chips and a currywurst, followed by a creme brulee. Absolutely delicious!



I'm now on the bus to the Tiergarten - I'm thinking of taking a walk to burn off lunch. Don't know if I'll even make it though as the bus is at a standstill and loads of police vehicles keep going by (I think there's a politician in the city or something). Plus it's really cold.

Sou and I have made plans to meet up again this evening because it's my last night in Berlin, and we're going to have a few drinks to see me off. It's going to be fun, but I feel really sad because I kind of don't ever want to leave.

16:01, Heinrich Heine Straße station
   
I didn't go to the Tiergarten because of the ridiculously stressful traffic (the bus stopped like three stops early because of the whole politician-in-town thing so I would've had to walk for ages in the freezing cold to get there). It was a shame because I wanted to see the Tiergarten, and I probably won't get a chance to now, but it's on my itinerary for next time I'm here!

I went to go see where the Kit Kat Club (yes, it was named for the club from Cabaret); I could only see the entrance because it wasn't open yet, but it was interesting to see the location. It was very east-Berlin. I would've gone out to the club but you have to dress in fetish style or similar and I have nothing even slightly outrageous with me. It'd be interesting to go there properly some day.

Now I'm on the way back to the hostel so I can freshen up and get ready for meeting Sou later on.

Monday 15 February 2016

Berlin - Hard Rock & Old Ballrooms

13:25, The Circus Hostel
   
Had a really slow start this morning - I'm not even out of bed yet. I just feel ridiculously tired; I doubt I'm going to get much done today.

14:21, on the U9 to Kurfürstendamm
   
Something I find really cute about the transport system in Berlin is that it works on an honour system. You get yourself a ticket and then you're able to come and go in underground stations, trams and buses (although buses are a bit stricter about checking tickets). There are plain clothes conductors wandering around checking tickets at random, but for the most part you're free to get anywhere with minimal hassle. This is so different to London or NYC, where you need to get through a ticket barrier before you can even access a train platform. If you're caught without a ticket in Berlin, you face a really steep fine so everyone just honours it and gets the correct ticket for their travel. I have a week pass in my bag and I've only had to show it once so far.

Another note on the Berlin underground system: if you look at a map of the transport routes, it's eerily reminiscent of the London Underground in its layout. However, the stations and trains themselves remind me more of the New York subway (open platforms, wide trains with way more space, etc). Where it differs, though, is that it's spectacularly clean. Coming off the London Underground? Prepare to have to blow all of the soot and dirt from your nose (a phenomenon Caz and I affectionately nickname 'Tube Bogies'), and your fingernails will be similarly blackened. Here in Berlin, that doesn't happen. In fact, the whole city is very clean and tidy. The parts that Sou considered dirty or unkempt were still nicer than a lot of areas of London, it's so bizarre. Pleasant though.

Anyway, these were just some thoughts I was having on my way to a (very) late lunch at Berlin's Hard Rock Cafe!

15:33, Hard Rock Cafe
   
On the difference between east and west Berlin: I'm probably the furthest west that I've been in the city so far, and the difference is quite striking. As I travelled here on the U-Bahn, I noticed that each station got shinier and even nicer looking. The streets are almost completely free of graffiti and there aren't really many posters stuck up on all available wallspace like there is in the east. The buildings are taller, more modern and imposing here. There's a distinct lack of dreadful GDR architecture. I feel slightly alien in this nice, bright area. Which reminds me of something hilarious that Sou showed me last night. She wanted to show me a hideous Soviet-era mural on a building; this building was dark and grey, and across the road from it was a huge, brightly-lit shopping centre. The juxtaposition was just hilarious. Karl Marx would have hated it.

16:37, on the U8 to Rosenthaler Platz
   
A man is leaning against the glass partition next to me and all I can see is this:



16:45, The Circus Hostel
     
I took a look at the 'blue church' at Kurfürstendamm before going to the Hard Rock Cafe. Basically, it's ruins of a 19th century church, which has since had modern additions built around it. It's been preserved in its ruined state, and looks amazing.

   
Hard Rock was really good; I was sitting below a bass originally belonging to Mike Dirnt from Green Day, and had a good view of the TV screen that was playing music videos. My waitress was really nice and bubbly and the service was quick but not rushed. I had chips with a garlic/parmesan seasoning on them (absolutely delicious!), and a burger with three different types of cheeses and bacon in it. For some reason, my burger came with a knife stabbed through it like Emperor Caligula had prepared it. The lunch was really tasty, and the place had a nice atmosphere.


   
I also found the Paperchase concession store inside the Karstadt (huuuge shopping centre on Kurfürstendamm), which was amusing. I snapped a quick photo to send to work.

Now I'm shuffling some things around, because I don't know if I'm going to make it to the many bars I was thinking of visiting. I don't know if I'm quite ballsy enough to go to them all on my own. I may have to reserve some of them for the next time I come to Berlin - maybe I'll be a bit braver.

22:02, Katz und Maus bar
   
I popped over to Auguststraße to see the Clärchens Ballhaus. It's a dance and live music venue, but upstairs they've kept all of the old 1920s decor in the ballroom. They still host theatre and events up there but, when I went this evening, there were three other people besides me having a little peek. I'm glad I went when there wasn't something going on, because it was so quiet and eerie and just added to the atmosphere of the place. It even smelled old, and the chandelier and the huge cracked mirrors really gave the room a Phantom of the Opera style vibe. I instantly loved it.


   
Afterwards, I came back to the hostel and down here to the Katz & Maus bar, for a few beverages. It's really cool in here - nice decor, down to earth atmosphere, and delicious drinks. There are some really loud blokes in here, including a couple of English guys that I've been chatting to. I did want to go out to other places, but I lacked the courage. So I think I'll just have a few more drinks here and then I only have to get the elevator up to my room.

Sunday 14 February 2016

Berlin - Museums, Mostly

08:30, The Circus Hostel

I ended up going to bed quite early last night; I was really dehydrated and my head was killing me. I'm now kicking myself because I found out that Sou's coworkers (whom I met yesterday evening) put aside a ticket and a free drinks wristband for me to use at the party they were at last night. Also found out that the coworkers said I was really cute - awww!

Anyway, I've just woken up and I feel much better now that I've had a good nights sleep (even though it took me a while to drift off because of the loud Americans being really inconsiderate again).

21:23, The Circus Hostel

Weather was pretty bleak today, very grey and drizzly and cold. I powered through though because I had a lot to see! I started the day in my hostel cafe (Katz & Maus) having a 'Berliner' breakfast - basically cold meats and cheeses and bread rolls. Delicious!


My first port of call was Checkpoint Charlie, the U.S. crossing point between east and west Berlin that was established during the Cold War. Obviously it's not a real checkpoint any more, since the Wall came down, but it remains as a point of historical interest. I was quite amused by the fact that they were selling replica Soviet army hats and gas masks and stuff. I didn't dare look at the prices, though I was really tempted to get Liam a Soviet officer's cap.


I then attempted to go to a place called Kraftwerk, which is a gallery/art exhibit space inside an old disused factory. I found the factory, but I couldn't find how to get through the gates, which was annoying. I then realised that I was in what looked like a really rough area which was.. Discomforting. Also, the inside of my nostrils was stinging from the cold at this point.

I figured out that I could walk to the East Side Gallery from where I was. The walk was interesting - there were broken windows and graffiti everywhere (as well as what looked like a shanty town with houses made from corrugated iron and bits of board). But I still didn't feel really unsafe, which was weird. The area seemed rough, but it was mostly deserted and pretty interesting to look at.


The gallery was fascinating. It's literally just legal graffiti and murals on a big remaining section of the Berlin Wall. It has a lot of character and is very interesting and colourful.



I had some time before I was due at the Neues Museum, so I went over to the Ramones museum. That was SO cool. I can't believe how much information and memorabilia they've managed to fit into a fairly small space. They must've gotten so many donations from people because there were tonnes of gig posters, tour itineraries, ticket stubs (including VIP/all-access passes), news articles, photographs, and badges. Not to mention all of the signed stuff, guitars, pieces of clothing, and Joey Ramone's entire home entertainment system! They had live Ramones recordings playing too, which just added to the brilliance. Any Ramones fan in Berlin should make a stop here (it's only 3,50€ to get in!).



 At around 2pm, I made my way over to the Neues Museum, and saw the incredible Berlin Cathedral on the way there. I decided not to go in as I had a Slipknot shirt on and it was Sunday - it seemed a bit tasteless. I would like to explore the crypt in there next time I go to Berlin though!


The museum has a huge Ancient Egypt collection. I enjoyed wandering through the rooms and seeing everything. But the very best bit was the bust of Nefertiti. No cameras were allowed in the room where it was, which was a shame, but it was still breathtaking. There was a reverent hush in the room as people stood and just stared. It was hard to take your eyes off of the bust - it was so captivating and so sublimely beautiful. Her eyes seemed to pierce yours when you look at her face. Amazing! I got some postcards and a little statue of Anubis at the gift shop.





I met Sou again this afternoon and we spent nearly 4 hours walking and talking. I was teaching her some British slang and she taught me how to say cunt in German, which of course is the only German I will ever need. We also talked about August Diehl and Alexander Fehling and how much we hate (love) them. She has also now gotten me into ugly GDR architecture - it's so remarkably hideous, and I love it very much. An example of it is this wonderful fountain that she showed me:


as well as the Weltzeituhr (world clock):


By the time I got back here, my feet and legs were killing me and I was about ready to collapse. I really enjoyed myself though - Sou is so fun to talk to, and we had such a laugh. I've also realised that we haven't yet had a selfie together! Hopefully we'll have time to rectify that before I leave.